2 Breast Cancer Survivors and a generation of hope.

Pace has beaten Breast Cancer and is taking proactive measures to eliminate the risks of the BRCA 1 genetic mutation to her health.

France has beaten Breast Cancer that is believed to be a long term effect of the radiotherapy she recieved to beat Hogkins Disease.

The wee one is a decendent of the Amazons. Fortunately by the time she's 20, medicine will be as different from today as it is in comparison to 1986.

Merry Christmas, God Bless Everyone!

My best Christmas present this year: life.

Pace beat her Breast Cancer and we have a very good idea of the steps required to protect her from further incidences of Cancer.

Beats getting an iPod.

Love to all from Robert, Pace and the wee one.

God's blessings to all who've helped us on this trip and to any other families going through similar circumstances.

Great Advertising and Brand Reinforcement

Working in Marketing I've seen good, bad and ugly advertising.

This ad hits all of the keys of a great ad. The message is aligned with the brand, its funny (or scary and funny depending on how you feel about your children playing with scissors) there's a twist that make it aspirational and its memorable.

Click this link to watch it on YouTube.com 

Alert! Breast Cancer Hoax E-mail canular de cancer de sein

With all good intentions, my good friend Craig forwarded a message his wife had recieved. Usually I ignore these types of emails but this is good food for the blog. (There have been a few questions due to translation issues, so let me stress that the following is text from a hoax/"canular" email.)

This comes from someone who works in the breast cancer unit at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto, Dr. N. Neman.

Recently a lipstick brand, called "Red Earth", decreased their prices from $67 to $9.90. It contained lead. Lead is a chemical which causes cancer. The lipstick brands that contain lead are:
1. CHRISTIAN DIOR
2. LANCOME
3. CLINIQUE
4. Y.S.L
5. ESTEE LAUDER
6. SHISEIDO
7. RED EARTH (Lip Gloss)
8. CHANEL (Lip Conditioner)
9. MARKET AMERICA-MOTNES LIPSTICK.

The higher the lead content, the greater the chance of causing cancer. After doing a test on lipsticks, it was found that the Y.S.L. Lipstick contained the most amount of lead. Watch out for those lipsticks which are supposed to stay longer. If your lipstick stays longer, it is because of the higher content of lead. Here is the test you can do
yourself:
1. Put some lipstick on your hand.
2. Use a Gold ring to scratch on the lipstick.
3. If the lipstick color changes to black, then you know the lipstick contains lead.

Please send this information to all your girlfriends and female family members. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Dioxin Carcinogens cause cancer, especially breast cancer.

Lead is dangerous compound that wreaks havoc in the nervous system and lead is a suspected carcinogen. However, Dioxin is a Human carcinogen.

I never understand why people write things like this but there are plenty of them out there; from the improbable Wal-Mart Contributes 5% of Sales to Homosexual Group to the strange Live Frog Found in Packaged Salad (but it's in the picture!) and there are so many more listed on sites dedicated to hoaxes and urban legends; you'll find more here and here.

If the message contains the phrase 'Forward this to everyone you know!' Don't do it please it's killing the economy.

Halo Effect Marketing of the Pink Ribbon

I am happy to see that there are companies that are putting their corporate resources behind raising funds for research.

However, some of this "halo effect" marketing feels more like a symbol being co-opted for fast buck rather than an altruistic fund raising campaign.

Yoplait Source gives 10 cents from each $2.99 container to breast cancer research. That's less than 3% of the retail price.

So Good didn't even say how much they'd contributed to the cause, just that they support it.

I spent $2.95 at 7-11 for these Breast Cancer Awareness Mints 50% of after tax profit goes to research. I've seen a lot of companies whose expenses eliminate any pre-profits pre tax.

There is an urban legend that one of the oil companies said it would donate a penny a litre to Breast Cancer Research, the fine print reading only on the premium/super grade of gas.

More clarity would be in order.

My scarist genetical term: Autosomal Dominant Chromosomes

In genetics, our DNA is made up of 23 pairs of chromosomes. An autosomal gene is on one of the 22 pairs of chromosomes that are not sex chromosomes. The implications of Dominant Autosomal Chromosomes means that only one parent has to have that specific genetic sequence to pass on a genetic condition.

In the case of BRCA1 and the wee one's future health; Pace had a 50% chance of passing that genetic mutation.

If the wee one carries the BRCA1 mutation her risk of developing breast or ovarian cancer in her lifetime is estimated to be 36-87%.

So do we test her? If she does carry that gene and we confirm it through genetic testing, her chance of getting insured is probably zero.

Would you get the test conducted if the wee one was your child?

Click the comment button below and tell me what you think.

Pace's Zoladex Side Effects

The doctors tell you that side effects cannot be anticipated, some are common and some are not.

Pace had few side effects to the Abraxane but the Zoladex seems to be something else

The bold faced side effects are the ones we've encountered so far. We just need to keep the doctor informed.

A list of the more common side effects of Zoladex may include:

Acne, application site reactions, breast development in men or enlargement in women, breast tenderness or pain, change in sex-drive, depression, dizziness, emotional problems, flu symptoms, fluid retention and swelling, hair growth in women, headache, hot flashes, infection, insomnia, lethargy, loss of appetite, loss of breast tissue in women, lung problems, nausea, nervousness, pain, rash, sexual impairment, sore throat, sweating, urinary problems, vaginal dryness vaginal inflammation, voice changes, weak heart, weakness, weight gain

A list of the less common side effects of Zoladex may include:

Abnormal thinking, allergic reactions, anemia, anxiety, blood in the urine, bronchitis, bruising, chest pain, chills, constipation, coughing, diabetes, diarrhea, drowsiness, dry mouth, dry eyes or skin, fever, gout, heart attack, high blood pressure, increased appetite, indigestion and gas, internal bleeding, irregular or rapid heartbeat, itching, joint problems, leg cramps, nasal inflammation, osteoporosis, painful menstruation, stroke, tingling sensation, ulcers, vaginal bleeding, varicose veins, vision problems, vomiting

Imagine the length of the television ad to cover this grocery list.

Your appointment with the oncologist has been cancelled.

So we were on the road again at about 2:30pm, destination Montreal for meetings with the oncologist, radiologist and the geneticists.

About 45 minutes into the ride Pace called her Mom to let her know we wouldn't be there for dinner. From Pace's reaction, I thought that someone close had died.

France, Pace's Mom, said the Ontological Gynecologist's secretary had called 5 minutes earlier and cancelled tomorrow morning's appointment. "You'll need to reschedule, he's out of the country... The next day I can schedule an appointment for you is February 1st at 8:30am.

Let's think about this. This appointment was booked at least six weeks ago and the doctor is "out of the country," and it will take another 3 months to see him. Either his secretary has an inefficient calendaring system or he never checks it.

Pace felt there was no reason to carry on so we turned the car around and headed back into the west to Toronto. Pace was very upset and somewhat discouraged. I was in an angry place and unable to do anything about it.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

vicissitude: a good word for our lives

I came across this word today when reading about what I am cooking up for Christmas. "... but during the visiccitudes of France, it's wars and so forth the recipe was lost."

The definition of "vicissitude": successive, alternating, or changing phases or conditions, as of life or fortune; ups and downs.

It sums up the fact that Pace, the wee one and I are still in for another 6 months of Doctors and operations before this is all over. Life changes states within all of the time: emotionally, spiritually, fiscally and physically.

Just as molecules of water can be vapor, solid or liquid. There's a time to live in different states of stress, excitement or agitation, the key is to maintain control during the transitions between states.

It's the $10 word of the week!

Reflecting on the last 12 months.

I started blogging as a way to keep our friends and family up-to-date with events and information on Pace's progress in her breast cancer battle.

By extension, it became a place to store the flood of information, and tools I've waded through trying to understand this disease and it's treatment, as well as it's physical, emotional and fiscal challenges.

Along the way it become a way to vent the chronic stress linked hand-in-hand with cancer and the weird confluence of events we've experienced.

Pace and I are humbled by the support and the interest in our journey. We are looking forward to the day when we are no longer shadowed by the spectre of breast cancer.

Thanks for your thoughts, prayers and encouragement as we cross the valley of death. However, our journey is not over yet. Our next medical meeting, this time with the Surgeon specializing in Gynecological Cancers is on Nov. 30th.

Where on earth are you visiting this blog from?

I never thought my blog would attracted an audience from every continent except Antarctica but it has. Google Web Analytics created the map below that shows where you, dear readers, are from. My inner geek thinks this is so cool.

If you're concerned about your privacy be assured, it only can tell what city you're from not who you are. Well, Craig I know that's you in Japan, but for the rest of you, it's all assumptions.

Thanks for visiting.

Chronic Stress for Cancer Survivors and Support Providers

By all the indicators we've been living in a state of Chronic Stress for almost 3 years.

For fun I tried a stress test and scored 12 out of 23

It said "if you scored 6 or more: your stress levels could be better. "

It went on to say I need to maintain more balance in my life which requires lifestyle changes. Uh-huh...

Lifestyle changes are more work than momentary on demand stress relievers. Yes I know, 40 minutes a day of exercise definately more work than blending a couple of margaritas or shaking a martini but each has their merits.


Rather than take a stress test for fun take a fun stress test

How I keep a positive attitude

When Teta, one of my colleagues, heard about Gilles death yesterday she asked me how I keep a positive attitude when coping with all these curve balls. I told her it's a combination of logic and creativity.

I've programmed my logical left brain with Newton's third law of physics; for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. All of the adversity we've fought will be counterbalanced by a time of peace.

On the creative right side of my brain I visualize that my glass is half full, of a graceful Pinot Noir, and the bottle is coming around again.

Allez en paix Gilles, Rest in Peace

Pace got the news this morngin that at 63, her dad, Gilles, died at 8:30 on Saturday, November 11 . He'd been fighting throat cancer that had spread to the lungs and brain; for the last month he's been in palative care.

When I told my new contact at my biggest client he asked me "what are you doing here, go home and be with your wife." Thanks Rick. Pace appreciated it.

Pace is taking it well. She finds it ironic that he died of cancer on Remberence Day; a year to the day from her Breast Cancer diagnosis. However, she feels that he took her cancer with him when he went to heaven.

Allez en paix Gilles! May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon

Now for something completely different. This morning we went to the two kids parks on the Belt Line for a couple of hours. About 1:00 in the afternoon we had a nap together, all three of us in the master bed.

I woke up about 3:30 and just lay there for about 15 minutes admiring my "girls" and asking God to bless them. They're so peaceful when they sleep. I'm so happy we're together again.

In case you're wondering why the cover art, one of my favorite Queen songs is Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon.

Allez Home!

The wee one has been telling everyone at la maison in Oka "Je veux allez home!" (I want to go Home; and home being Toronto), If you've been reading this for a while you know about her insisting that she was going Home with Papa on the train and the tearful departures on the train platform when she couldn't.

Today she got what she wanted.

We packed the car and got on the road at about 4:00. After stopping to day a couple of "aurevoirs"(not goodbye, until next time) we caught one of the last ferries of the season are running that cross the Ottawa River from Oka to Hudson.

It poured rain from Oka to Toronto. Fortunately truck traffic was light and road spray to a minimum. Luckily for Pace and I the wee one slept most of the way and we had a chance to talk.

Once we finally got in about 10:30 the wee one charged about gathering toys and dolls she had not played with in a couple of months. It was another couple of hours before the wee one had calmed down enough to sleep.

Pace and I were so exhausted I can't remember if we kissed goodnight.

The Zoladex is not working, Blame it on Bob!

So Pace had a conversation with the oncology nurses about the Zoladex not doing it's job and the "blame it on Bob" conversation went like this.

"Your husband did the injection?!" Asked the nurse.
"Yes" Pace replied.
"Well he wouldn't know how to do it properly. Did it hurt?"
"Oh yeah, it hurt." Pace grimaced at the thought of the heavy gage needle.
"Well you're supposed to use a catheter to administer it."
"No one told us that."
"He never should have done it."
"But, he..." Pace started but was interrupted.
"Did he not use the local anesthetic before he injected you?" The nurse inquired.
"There was no local anesthetic prescribed or with the package."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"You should have taken the needle to the CLSC (local community health clinic) or the hospital and they should have done it."
"What? No one told us that."
"Didn't the doctor tell you?"
"No."
"Well you know how busy doctors get. Make sure you get it done by a professional next time and if the Zoladex still doesn't work we'll have to change prescriptions."

I'm angry for a couple of reasons.

1. The insinuation that I don't know what I'm doing. I had 2 years of practice administering insulin by injection. Albeit it was caninsulin and the subject was Pace's cat Olive, but they were daily sub-cutaneous injections. And I followed the instructions on Pace's package to the letter.
   
2. Because of the cost of Zoladex, the hospital won't administer it there, so they transfer the cost to the patient by writing a prescription for you to take home. Better be insured! Then they say that it only should be administered in a government regulated health facility.

From a left brain perspective, this kind of logic loop crashes software programs.

My right brain says the situation reminds me of the bureaucracy demonstrated in the movie Brazil; this is reality imitating art.

Rememberence Day to All Saints Day

It's been 355 days from the diagnosis to the last radiotherapy treatment and finishing the cancer triathlon.

It's ironic that both days are for remberence. It's not likely we'll forget this endurance race.

So we wind down for a bit and then get ready for the oophorectomy or hysterectomy in February, probably the 14th. Who knows what the doctor will suggest?

Some people say she'll not need it so just get it all out. However, the thought of me losing my testes, and how that would impact my health, is reason to pause before I go spouting off at the mouth about how Pace should handle her situation. Then again she does read this too.

Felicitations Pace! You're Wonder Woman, an Amazon!

Love you Robert "Kent" G.

Zoladex: Astra Zenica’s Snake Oil?

Pace told me something today that piled on another layer of anger and frustration. Like anyone going through a prolonged health crisis needs another one! The Zoladex is not working, her period started tonight. If you pay $439 for a prescription, you'd expect it to work. Right?

I know I followed all of the instructions on the Zoladex to the letter, I read them three times to be sure, listened to the condescending tone of the pharmacist in training as he dicuseed what to do. I pinched the skin and stuck Pace the heavy gage needle (look at a small and a large paper clip and think of a thickness between the two and about 1.5 inches long) straight to the hilt at a 30 degree angle, over 2 inches below below the horizontal line across belly buutton as Pace gasped in pain, pushed the plunger as far as it would go. When I pulled the needle the protective sheath snapped shut over the needle. According to the documentation it will only do this if the plunger is pushed to its maximum to deliver the Zolodex.
Well Pace’s ovaries have fired up again. (She warned me she was fertile.) And nevertheless the doctors have been telling us we really need to induce menopause for Pace’s safety.

We’ll get more answers next week after Pace talks to the oncology nurse managing Pace’s clinical study.

BRCA 1, Pace and cancer research

The geneticists from Sunnybrook are going to meet Pace as a part of a study on women who've had Breast Cancer and are carrying a variant on the BRCA1 genetic sequence.

When individuals carry a mutation in either BRCA1 or BRCA2, they are at an increased risk of being diagnosed with breast or ovarian cancer at some point in their lives.

In 1994, two breast cancer susceptibility genes were identified: BRCA1 on chromosome 17 and BRCA2 on chromosome 13. In her breast cancer blog, Libby Znaimer called BRCA 2 "the Jewish gene."

Until recently, it was not clear what the function of these genes was, until studies on a related protein in yeast revealed their normal role: they participate in repairing radiation-induced breaks in double-stranded DNA.

It is thought that mutations in BRCA1 or BRCA2 might disable this mechanism, leading to more errors in DNA replication and ultimately to cancerous growth.

Which begs the question: just how did Pace get exposed to enough radiation to cause her breast cells DNA to mutate into cancer?

Image Source:http://www.cmu.edu/bio/research/genomics.shtml

Only one week left

A week from today is the last of Pace's radiotherapy treatments. Holey Moley!

I'm almost in a state of disbelief. I've had enough of cancer's grief.

I look forward to Pace and making plans and I moving on. I want to see more of Pace happy like this.

.

No, we did not drum naked in the primeval forest

It can be summed up in three words; Food , Friends and Fun, meaning plenty of hiking, football and ping pong for exercise off Muskoka Bob road.

The air was crisp, clean and smelled of green... wet leaves too. A boy's weekend of tall tales, football games of "beat the champ... to a pulp," and no, we did not drum naked in the primeveal forests of Muskoka.

I had my best sleep in weeks. Albeit punctuated by me waking up yelling from nightmares I couldn't remember.

It was great, no computer, no cell phone, no ABM card. Just off the grid for 2.5 days.

Thanks Marc for kicking my ass and keeping me motivated on the bush crash. Finding the lost lake was really beautiful and worth the effort. I hate when your right! (Or when someone points out to me I'm wrong, but I digress.)

James, it was nice to meet you.

Neil thanks for the hospitality and change-up to my schedule. I've been feeling so thin as to be transparent lately. I had a great time and appreciate the respite.

Just when I start to feel sorry for myself along comes a reality check

So after my groaning about drug costs I came across this article that made me feel like a doofus. Going Broke To Stay Alive

https://www.marketwatch.com/story/millennial-cancer-survivors-are-going-broke-fighting-to-stay-alive-2019-02-28

Today's not a milestone, just a marker on the trip

A year ago today Pace had her TIA.

Just that thought sends my head spinning. I've found today difficult.

We'd only been moved in a week and the place was already 90% together. Far be it for Pace to let the place look like a bachelor pad.

It was going on 7:30 and we had not eaten since lunch. I'd made chicken pesto on rotini it was served and getting cold and still I had to corrall Pace to the table as well as the wee one and her Mom France, who was here to help with the unpacking and decorating,

"Pace! What are you doing"
"I coming"

She came around the corner about two minutes later and had to grab onto the door frame for support. She would have gone straight to the floor.

"Babe? You O.K?"
"I don't feel well"
"Sit down maybe your blood sugar is down."

She sat down and I got a glass of orange juice, it didn't help. Then she said started to look anxious and stammered out.

"Babe, I can't feel my left side."

The next 15 minutes was one of those slow motion eternity moments where you try to keep you head on as your life suddenly careens out of control. I got tele-health on the phone and they talked to Pace for a couple of minutes. Within five minutes of that call there were paramedics at the door.

I asked Francine to get the wee one into her room so she didn't have to see all the commotion with the paramedics.

They checked her out from head to toe and then the male paramedic took Pace's hands, held them out in front of her at sholder height and told Pace to keep them there. Her right arm stayed put. The left arm drifted off to the side and back down till it was motionless beside her body. I was really scared. We'd just been talking about how good it was to be having a new start and a new place.

"No, I thought, this can't be happening. There's no way I can manage getting Pace up and down the stairs, into the bath tub and all the other things if she's paralysed."

My head was spining. Then there's thinking about raising the wee one. We'd manage, but...

The paramedics had her off to the hospital within minutes of that test. Pace couldn't walk properly, her gait was off and it was as though her left side couldn't support her. The paramedics half walked, half carried her to the ambulance.

"Oh God please don't let her be paralysed." I prayed; and my prayer was answered. I think the TIA was Pace's body sending a warning about the cancer. When all is said and done God writes straight with crooked lines.

A gift to cleanse, detoxify and energize

Susan came by today and took Pace out for some “girl-time.” Vianne and I curled up for an afternoon nap.

Susan had bought some Flor-Essence for Pace. It is an herbal tonic that is intended to Cleanse, Detoxify, and Energize. It’s a little more reasonable than Zoladex at $70.00 per liter of the concentrate.

It is used to help with the effects of chemotherapy and radiotherapy in Mexico and the Russians have been exploring it’s properties with those that are living with the after effets of Chernobyl. One of the herbs contains high levels of iodine. Keeping our iodine levels high is a method to keep strontium 90 for being absorbed by our bodies.

The herbs and a link to their medicinal properties are below.

Red Clover

Blessed Thistle

Watercress

Kelp

Burdock Root

Sheep Sorrel

Slippery Elm Bark

Turkish Rhubarb Root

Pace has not told me what it tastes like. I have a feeling it's like Buckleys.

$115,739.47 per kilo!

Pierre the wee one and I did the errands this morning. The last trip was to the pharmacy to pick up the Zoladex.

Sometimes I get frustrated with the way folks in the medical profession patronize me. Today, Yannik the “apprentice pharmacist” asked if I understood the meaning of subcutaneous injection. When I said yes I did, he sped up into a rapid fire explanation of that type of injection, of the drug, its side effects and to be sure that I called at least three work days before Pace needs a refill.

“We don’t keep drugs like this one in stock.” Yannick said.
“I’m not surprised it’s expensive”
“You know that three work day’s doesn’t include weekends?”
I bit my tongue, hard before asking. “Can I have the drug information sheet please.”
“But I just told you about it.”
I bit my tongue, harder and gestured my best Gallic shrug

Zoladex is an AstraZeneca medical consumable. It is prescribed in the case of cancer of the breast and prostate, endometriosis or removal of the endometrial sac. It can only be prescribed for two years as it is too concentrated and could cause other health issues. How reassuring is that? Then there's the brutal website.

It’s available in two types, one every 28 days or one every 3 months, the monthly costs $440.00 for 3.8mg, the quarterly injection is $1,500.00. Yes, I know there are research costs but yikkes! That equals a street price of $115,739.47 per kilo ($52,608.85 per lb.)

No wonder Dr. Rami figured that we’d opt for the Ovariectomy sooner than later.

Things to be thankful for

It’s another Friday afternoon train trip and I’m thinking of the things I have to be thankful for. The last two years seem to have been one trial by ordeal after another but on the other hand I consider us to blessed and lucky to have the love and support of friends and especially family. Yesterday was one of those great family moments.

Mom and Dad took my sister Maggie, her family and me out for her birthday dinner last night. The kids love eating at Mandarin and we had fun. The kids and I had fun grossing each other out by letting the cuttlefish tentacles dangle from between my teeth.

Maggie has been a great help; stepping in for babysitting and trying to just make life easier for Pace, Vianne and me.

Happy Birthday again Maggie. I wish you serenity, prosperity and health.

Now that the Breast Cnacer is treated it's time to prevent Ovarian Cancer

So Pace had a meeting today with Dr. Rami, her oncologist and he had a couple of things to discuss. On one hand, he thinks that she is recovering well but he is concerned about her reproductive system restarting again and releasing more estrogen into her system.

The Breast Cancer Pace had feeds on estrogen. Add to that to her 40% higher probability of Ovarian Cancer than the rest of the population and it’s apparent that we are not out of the woods yet. (Sigh!) So he wants her ovaries out and until that happens her menstrual cycle can not be allowed to start again. It's good to know the medical establishment wants Pace to live a long life with the wee one and I but there are times when it feels like they just love her as a case study.

Chemo-therapy has a side effect that I call “Chemo-pause.” It's real name is Chemical Menopause and it has all of the vestiges of the real deaal; hot flashes, phantom pain, night sweats and loss of libido. It’s a demonstration to the power of the chemotherapy drugs. The last course of those drugs stopped in July and she’s yet to have her menses.

To chemically induce menopause the normal prescription is for Tamoxifen. But dear reader as most people have observed, Pace is often the exception to the rule. Dr. Rami had to take her case to the tumor board because there is an increased chance of TIAs with Tamoxifen. The board has ruled against using tamoxifen and suggested that we use Zoladex.

Once she is well enough than Pace goes under the knife again to have an Ovasectomy. Dr. Rami said that due to the cost of Zoladex that we’ll probably do it sooner than later.

I feel the hands of the drug company are about to pick my pocket again.

Surprising news on women's beliefs about breast cancer

File this article under: what you don't know can be fatal.

• Only 15 percent of women who get Breast cancer have a family history
  
• More young white women than young black women get breast cancer
  
• Mortality rates for black women are 33% higher
  
• Black women just like Ashkenazi Jews have a higher rate of early onset breast cancer. Those with the gene have an 87 percent chance of getting breast cancer

The article sites the American Cancer Society's Cancer Facts & Figures as the promary source. It speaks to the social, racial, econcomic and geographical realities of cancer.

A husband and wife night out

Helene gave Pace a couple of Tickets to Cavalia. Les grandparents took care of Vianne and we took off for 24 hours as a couple.

Cavalia is truly one of the most creative events that I have seen in a long time. I highly recommend it.

We stayed at cool little hotel in Rosemere called Hotel le Rivage. This place is full of custom suites that are on the creative side.

Radiotherapy "Tattoos" - Caution Explicit Images

Usually, when someone needs to have radiotherapy the area that need treatment is carefully marked out using tiny tattoos. The radiotherapy machine uses these tattoos as markers to direct the radiation to only the part of the body that needs to be treated.

However in Pace's case they've mapped it out in purple marker. She says it takes about 35 minutes in the room for them to calibrate and program the machine. The the actual treatment takes about 10 minutes.

Pace asked me to take these pictures so you
could better understand the extent of the
radiation treatment.

One of the side effects of radiotherapy is that it burns the skin. Pace says after one week of radiotherpay her skin is already very sensitive. Considering she's as lilly white and sun sensitive as you can be I'm not really surprised but I am trying to be supportive. I just hope it doesn't take too long to heal because as you can see her skin is going to be burning in a lot of places.

You also have to be careful if you use a moisturizing or soothing cream in that you use to be sure you don't interfere with the transmission of the radiation to the target areas. There is a perscription cream, (another ca-ching for the drug company I'm sure) that is supposed to help.

I'll let you know about it in a later post.

Post Surgical Pain

Pace remains in a lot of pain, from where they cut muscles, the loss of strength and sensation in the arm where thy had to cut nerves and the armpit where they removed her lymph nodes.

According to a University of Rochester study, up to half of all women who undergo a lumpectomy or mastectomy feel pain weeks or months later near the breast, adjacent armpit and upper arm on the same side. It is often described as burning, throbbing and, or, a sharp pain. Yeah, great...

Most pain stems from damage to the intercostal brachial nerve, which runs under the arm and rib cage. But many other triggers exist as well: scarring, post-operative radiation therapy, some chemotherapy drugs, and the unusual sensations often associated with phantom pain.

The doctor recommends drugss and counseling.

Radiotherapy Starts Today

Pace starts 5 weeks of radiotherapy today. She has to go to the hospital for treatment on weekdays at 2:15pm, weekends are off. Any positive energy you would send her way around that time is always welcome and appreciated.

The purpose of the radiotherapy is to kill any cancer cells that may have gotten into her lymphatic system (<-this is a really cool medical site). While the doctors are sure they got all the cancer, this is recommended for women afflicted by the type of cancer Pace had.

This is the last leg of the cancer triathlon, (chemotherapy, surgery, radiotherapy) once she recovers from this cure then we'll start to create the routine and lifestyle of whatever our new normal will be.

Going off the grid, getting some R & R

For two days I went off the grid; no cell phone, no computer, no bank card.

Don had invited me up to Black Rock for a boy's weekend. On the Saturday afternoon he said I looked the most relaxed he'd seen me in months.

We had an amazing walk in the woods in the afternoon, a spectacular sunset, a great feast for dinner and then an evening bonfire all the while listening to echoes across the lake of the different bands and singers playing a major party at Ronnie Hawkins place.

It's a beautiful place where on the barren granite of the canadian shield the lichen grows deep and the white pines have shattered the rock to secure their roots. It's a great metaphor for the perserverance required in living through this difficult time.

Last year the northern lights raced across the sky. This year we were treated to the Milky Way.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Family Reunion Slips to January 2007

Pretty much the first thing Pace told me today that she's not coming home with Vianne till January. Pace said that she will still be too tired from her radiotherapy to take care of herself, the house and the wee one.

I know that the radiotherapy is no picnic but I'm frustrated with the nurses and doctors that keep telling her how horrible everything will be. The power of suggestion is a serious force in setting good or bad expectations. You think they'd know that.

Daddy-o it's cool!

Pace called me to say the wee one wanted to see me on the computer. This is the first time in a while since we've had a video call. First we get picture but no sound. By the time it working and we're all on the cam, her attention is on drawing a new picture.

Rule number one about video phones and web cams is that you should treat it like you're shooting live action on film. Make sure that you have everything prepared before you get the talent on the set and roll the cameras.

She's like any other kid, totally impatient with how long it takes some people to to get things done. Well that sounds like me too. Like the last time I was at the grocery store and the lady immediately in front of me in line pulls out 20 coupons at the check out...

When we finally get the web cam going well we start talking around the logistics of the wee one coming "home" with me for a couple of weeks. Pace tells me that for weeks she's been saying "I'm packing my bags cause I'm going with Popa on the Choo-Choo."

This is such a good thing that's come together. The difference in the availability of daycare Quebec and Ontario is like night and day. There's plenty of places in Oka and Montreal where I could drop her off for the day. In Toronto its either who you know or do you have $3,000 per month for emergency day care.

We are blessed with good friends. Linda has facilitated a temporary arrangment with her nanny and babbysitter to put together an amazing program for Vianne for the next two weeks. It is going to be so cool, for the wee one and for me.

What it's all about in a song

This was a song that was a little hard to avoid early in 2006. It brings up some of the feelings that you go through and the inspiration that I'd like to take away from this experience.



Live Like You Were Dying

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how’s it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what’d you do
and he said

I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn’t
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn’t such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I’d do if I could do it all again
and then

I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuMunchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift
and you got eternity to think about
what’d you do with it
what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying

Copyright Tim McGraw lyrics and music

Gotta tune out the tube

Dealing with the day to day stresses of fighting cancer is stressful enough. While I admit to being a news addict a steady diet of reports of violence does little for improving a mood.

Monday, was the 5th aniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and it seemed to be the only available programming in the 400 channel universe.

• How many times do we have to watch 65 people die and seal the fate of 600 others as United 175 crashes into the south tower?

Tuesday, 3 people found stabbed to death at the Chelsea Hotel

• Endless tales of violence and a "veritable bloodbath"

Wednesday, Kimveer Gill shoots 20 and kills one at Dawson College

• All day gut wrenching reports that rip open the emotional scars of the December 6, 1989. I'd moved into my apartment in Monreal Nov. 1st 1989. The Ecole Polytechnique shootings traumatised the city till Christmas.
  

Thursday, My workplace changes as half of the company is sold

• No idea how my job will be affected
  

Friday, the Pope stirs the geopolitical pot

• History teaches us that extremists of any ideology are dangerous.

I have to stop reading the papers and listening to the news. Even if it important in my business to be current, compounded with the cancer concerns I finding it's too much negative information; the displays of anger and visions of anguish are simply disturbing and depressing.

Plastic surgeon update

Pace saw the plastic surgeon for a check on her healing.

He's happy, the surgical cuts are healing well and scaring is less than he thought it would be. She's not getting any excessive lymph fluid build-ups. She has some on her left side but he is confident that it will be reabsorbed by Pace's body.

He also told her it is going to take about 3 months before Pace is over the pain of the surgery and for her breasts to start ot feel normal, or maybe she'll aclimatize is what he's really saying.

He's confident that she'll make it through the radiotherapy without incident.

Maybe it's the nature of plastic surgery, this guy as one of the best bedside manners we've encountered at the doctor level in the health system.

Not exactly a fluff quiz

Today I learned about a test that could make a difference in your life or, guys, the life of your lady. It's not one of the online fluff quizes exemplified by "Angelina or Jennifer? See which starlet you're more like!"

The dark, mysterious, homewrecking Academy Award-winning American actress, a former fashion model, and a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN Refugee Agency who also played Laura Crawford, Tomb Raider

or

The blonde. all american, #88 on the Maxim magazine "Hot 100 of 2005" list, jilted ex-wife of Brad Pitt who stared in the very successful TV Sitcom "Friends" and is rumored to be dating actor Vince Vaughn

Somewhere someone's planning a cage match...

However, ladies this test could make a difference in your life. It's called the Breast Cancer Risk Assessment Tool and while it was designed for use by health professionals. If you are not a health professional, you are encouraged to discuss the results and your personal risk of breast cancer with your doctor.

It's an interactive tool designed by scientists at the National Cancer Institute (NCI) and the National Surgical Adjuvant Breast and Bowel Project (NSABP) to estimate a woman's risk of developing invasive breast cancer. This is the same organization that is conducting the Abraxane clinical trial that Pace is a part of.

Preliminary results indicate the tool has been used with successful for women with strong family histories of breast cancer. However, women carrying the breast cancer-producing mutations in the BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes obviously should get more testing. It's also not ment for women who have already had a diagnosis of breast cancer, or ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS).

To take the test follow this link: Breast Cancer Risk Assessment Tool

Friday's I've got far to go, Toronto, Montreal, Paris

I knew it was going to be a crazy day the minute I saw the alarm clock. I'd slept-in, again. I'm out the door in 10 minutes, commute to work, crank out till 1:30, commute to home, pack and go, Usually I take the bus and subway to train, this time a cab, traffic jam, arrive Union Station 3:04, Train 64 leaves at 3:10, arrive Montreal, commute à la maison, eat, bedtime story and lights out for the wee one.

Right now her favorite book is by an American Immigrant Belgian Cowboy with a German sounding name and French as a first language: he was quite the character that Ludwig Bemelmans.

The Wee One and I read a book together; I start and she rhymes;

“In an old house in Paris all covered in …”
“Wines” (It makes me chuckle every time)
“Lived 12 little girls in two straight
“Lines”
“1n two straight"
" lines dey bwoke dere bwead and when do bed””
“don’t they brush their…”
“teet”
“That’s right“

“They left the house at half past nine in two straight
“lines”
“in rain or….. or….
“shine?”
“Yes shine, the smallest one was”
“Madelène!”

Given the wee ones level headedness to all of the upheaval in her life over the last two years I’m both surprised and chagrined that she has the following section almost down pat.

“In the middle of one night, Miss” I start.
“Clavel turned her light, Something is not right!"” The wee one jumps in to finish.

About 20 minutes later she’s asleep and sometimes so am I.

It’s no wonder Pace and I sometimes don’t seem to see one another very much on the weekend.

Another Day of Nursing, Child rearing and Travel

Train 67 rolls towards Toronto once again and I find little inspiration in the lead grey remnants of Hurricane Ernesto that somber the sky and pour down the rain. It’s been a bit of a gloomy day.

Pace had one of her intestinal attacks as she got up this morning. It was one of the bad ones; she was drifting in and out of consciousness and feeling quite unwell. Once the main part of the episode was over, I striped her and bathed her. That’s when I got a quick look at the scars from the operation. I did not examine her chest because she’s not chosen to show me yet and I did not want her to feel any more stress. She went back to bed and slept till one in the afternoon.

The wee one and I painted, then alternated between watching Clifford and looking outside to see if the rain had stopped, wich it didn't. Eventually had a nap together before I had to get to the train station. Pace stayed in bed and I implored her to rest and heal, this is no time to be superwoman. As I left, we both had watery eyes, the time we have together is always too short. ‘I love you, I miss you, I’ll see you soon.’

The wee one wailed as I got on the train today. “Je veux aller en train avec Papa! Je veux aller ‘home!’’

“La maison” is Oka, Toronto is “home.”

People on the train flash me a slightly concerned look or sigh sympathetically.

Pace told me the wee one is really starting to miss me during the week. She’s telling her grandmere that Papa is coming home tonight. And that is on a Tuesday. This separation of the family is hard on all of us and while the wee one understands a lot of what is going on around her I can’t expect her to understand everything.

The woman I used to count on for child care told me last week she is no longer going to be babysitting. That is unless it is close to her home and not for more than an evening. Oh well, all good things come to an end sometime. I’ve got to find some time this week to look into sharing a nanny or finding day care. I’ll need to be a single Papa at least once again before Pace comes home in December.

Saturday in the Country

The wee one was up at 7:30 am today. I should feel blessed knowing my sister Maggie’s kids are up at 6:30 but I still felt like I was wading through Jell-O® until I got two mugs of Joe into the blood system.

Once we took care of Pace, the wee one and I went out for a major walk to the swings and slides. Well I walked, most often with the wee one hung onto my legs until I put her up on my shoulders. Pace got a good sleep in the morning and then again when I put down the wee one in the afternoon.

Later in the afternoon all three of us went for a walk over to Hugette’s farm. Well Pace and I walked; the wee one admired the view from about 5 feet above the street. We ate prunes and apples fresh from the tree as well as raspberries, ground cherries and grapes fresh off the vine.

I did not count on having to carry both the wee one and the three bags of fruit that we bought back to the house. It must have been a funny sight because everyone that drove by stared at us as if we were aliens; me with three full plastic bags hanging alongside my hips from my belt, the wee one on my shoulders waving and screaming hello at the cars, and Pace with her peach fuzz hair, alabaster skin fashionable Capris and sandals walking alongside.

Pace said that was the first time that she had been for a walk since the operation. When we got back she went back to bed, Vianne watched “Buzz Buzz Buzz!” and your’s truly cooked up a pasta primavera with tomatoes, zucchini and scallions fresh from the garden and then I finished off with raspberries and ice cream for desert. Harvest is such a great time of the year.

This evening Pace gave Vianne a Bull’s-eye replica from Toy Story 2. The wee one was overjoyed. She ran around the house with Bull’s-Eye flying through the air beside her like a jet propelled horse. Then to our amusement she put him on the floor and pretended she was riding him. We all laughed and reveled in the moment.

** Alert ** New posts to backfill information gaps ** Alert **

I've been trying to get through a backlog of catching up on work, chores, paperwork and chipping away on adding to the blog.

Since the posts are going to go up in chronological order from when I started them. Scroll down this page for posts I've backfilled to bring you up to date on Pace's recovery.

It's a real busy time and I've been trying to rescue a second $250k SalesLogix deal that's ended up going to Microsoft. So much for 200 pictures of Robert Borden in commissions per deal.

What really burns is what the prospect wrote in the decision, "I would like to thank you for all the effort you have made both personally and as a company. Were the decision to have been made on best pitch and best received sales team, you would have taken the deal easily."

Microsoft=Momentum, I need to get on the train or get out of the way.

The bandages come off tomorrow

Pace has been in a lot of pain for the last couple of week and a half. Saturday was the first time that the pain was less than the day before.

Today was another tough day. I think part of it is the bandage comes off tomorrow and Pace will see for the first time the results of her surgery.

I'd find it tough. There will be stitches and cuts where the drains were and her chest is going look different than the one she's had for a lifetime. The docs have said they'd make the scars as low on the breast as they can, but they didn't say she'd have no scars.

Pace will have no nipples. Turns out they're made of breast tissue as well, duh! Dr. Rami told us of times that they transplanted the nipples to the thigh in order to save them for reattachment later once the plastic surgery had healed; some of these people developed breast cancer in the skin where they'd been temporarily located until retransplanted.

Reconstruction of the nipple is possible how they do it is facinating in a weird way. They either fold the skin back on itself or graft skin from somewhere else on the body if you want to see what it looks like follow this link and scroll down or there is the option of going for a tatooed nipple, that's one work of art that'd be tough to perform. 

A metaphor for strength and perserverance

Lyne's sister Anne-Marie gave Pace this Rose on Thursday the 17th. A week later it's still strong and Pace is inspired by it's hardiness.

Life can be longer than predicted even after you're cut and living with peoples expectations. Spirit and the will to live is both therapeutic and inspiring