Today's not a milestone, just a marker on the trip

A year ago today Pace had her TIA.

Just that thought sends my head spinning. I've found today difficult.

We'd only been moved in a week and the place was already 90% together. Far be it for Pace to let the place look like a bachelor pad.

It was going on 7:30 and we had not eaten since lunch. I'd made chicken pesto on rotini it was served and getting cold and still I had to corrall Pace to the table as well as the wee one and her Mom France, who was here to help with the unpacking and decorating,

"Pace! What are you doing"
"I coming"

She came around the corner about two minutes later and had to grab onto the door frame for support. She would have gone straight to the floor.

"Babe? You O.K?"
"I don't feel well"
"Sit down maybe your blood sugar is down."

She sat down and I got a glass of orange juice, it didn't help. Then she said started to look anxious and stammered out.

"Babe, I can't feel my left side."

The next 15 minutes was one of those slow motion eternity moments where you try to keep you head on as your life suddenly careens out of control. I got tele-health on the phone and they talked to Pace for a couple of minutes. Within five minutes of that call there were paramedics at the door.

I asked Francine to get the wee one into her room so she didn't have to see all the commotion with the paramedics.

They checked her out from head to toe and then the male paramedic took Pace's hands, held them out in front of her at sholder height and told Pace to keep them there. Her right arm stayed put. The left arm drifted off to the side and back down till it was motionless beside her body. I was really scared. We'd just been talking about how good it was to be having a new start and a new place.

"No, I thought, this can't be happening. There's no way I can manage getting Pace up and down the stairs, into the bath tub and all the other things if she's paralysed."

My head was spining. Then there's thinking about raising the wee one. We'd manage, but...

The paramedics had her off to the hospital within minutes of that test. Pace couldn't walk properly, her gait was off and it was as though her left side couldn't support her. The paramedics half walked, half carried her to the ambulance.

"Oh God please don't let her be paralysed." I prayed; and my prayer was answered. I think the TIA was Pace's body sending a warning about the cancer. When all is said and done God writes straight with crooked lines.