Celebrating 65 Years of Life

France will always be remembered by the people that knew her as a woman of love, strength and conviction.

Pace is understandably upset over her mothers death. France had beaten breast cancer for 7 years and it came back with a vengence. It's a scary thing.

France, we know that you are an angel riding along in Charlemans Wagon. God bless us all

"I Run for Life"

So I am listening to the radio today and this song , "I Run for Life" by Melissa Etheridge comes on. I've heard about it but never hunted it down. And while it great song, the poignancy of it's lyrics and a melody in the key of E force open the emotions and the memories. The only thing that this reminds me of is smelling a dentist's office and the sound of the drill...


"I Run for Life"

It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Every day that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast,
If you ask her why she is still running,
She'll tell you it makes her complete

I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run life

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin
And they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul

And now I'm still learning a lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for her soul

I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run life

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her, remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers, running for more

I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth, for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth, for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your daughter, your wife
For you and me my friend
I run for life

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for life

Pace's Mom's Cancer prognosis and dealing with the emotional reprecussions

On Monday the 17th of September, the doctors told France that she has secondary bone and liver cancer.

It means that the cancer is not originating in the bone or the liver cells but is cancer that has spread from another part of her body. The doctors determined that she's had relapse and that cancer cells that have spread to her liver and that are growing on her bones are the same pathology as her breast cancer from 7 years ago.

Pace and I, and most obviously France and "the Rock" are most definitely going through the spectrum of emotions that come with catastrophic news; denial, anger, bargaining, depression; all with the hope of coming to acceptance.

As we battled Breast cancer with Pace I discovered the he trick is to know that you're going to go through a rage of negative feelings and keeping them in perspective is paramount to functioning normally. Emotional pain is a tough one especially if you can not forgive yourself or others. I try to understand why I feel a certain way, and if the emotional pain is due to any of my unresolved or unprocessed issues.

Still it feels like from out of the blue, we're into the fire.The doctors are mobilizing but the speed of the health system always seems glacial.The family is rallying as well. France we're here to fight this with you.

6 weeks of normal is over

As you surmised from the previous post, we've picked ourselves up and reinvented ourselves in West Montreal. However, some things can not be bought or traded for, like a normal life.

Pace gave me the news of her mom France's biopsy results today.

The stains on her bones are breast cancer cells that have metastasised into the skeleton, eating the bone weakening the vertebra. The pelvic girdle is covered up to her ribcage, portions of her skull have been attacked and her right femur is covered as well.

The cells are stage 4; there is no stage five. I knew things were not good when the doctors delicately talk about long term, prospects but stepped around the issue of short term chances of survival. They talked about painkillers: Dilodyl, morphine patches, Tylenol and oh yeah you might want to consider palliative care for managing her pain. The palliative care comment drove the point home.

Pace went out and spent 80$ on a shopping therapy session. Even if she wanted to see a family therapist the waiting list is over a year long. Vianne played with the neighbours and Pace went to spend the day with her mother.

getting good news and building a new nest

During Pace's latest trip to the doctor he told her to stop worrying. They got the cancer out of her and that she should focus on raising a daughter and loving her husband. Yeah Pace, pour some sugar on me baby.

Pace is getting aquainted to the new neighborhood and decorating our new home. I love my new job. A big portion of it is change management. It makes me laugh case change really doesn't phase me like it used to.

Canada's two tiered health system

Some Ontario hospitals Cancer are charging patients from $16,000 to $24,000 for a treatment of Abraxane in order to gain access to that and other new and effective cancer drugs that their oncologists recommend. Health Canada has approved these drugs but the provincial governments have not to avoid having to fund treatment. Many are currently under review in Ontario.

One of these drugs is Abraxane, that's the trial drug Pace received that shrunk her tumour from the size of a peach to the size of a pea. It was formerly used only to treat breast cancer in metastasis. It's now been found effective for local cancer as well. A course of treatment easily ranges into the tens of thousands of dollars. It is sometimes funded by hospitals but it is really a case-by-case basis.

In a country that professes standards of healthcare and access of healthcare for all, it is scary that the best drugs are available to those with generous insurance plans or people with the financial assets to drop tens of thousands on drugs and health care.

The only other option is to be a test subject, hope dodge the bullet of a rogue effect and see if the new drug is really that effective.

What they did in the Bone Biopsy

Today France went to the hospital for a bone biopsy to help determine why she's been having bone pain, and to understand what the "dark spots" that showed up in the MRI scans are.

"They took two bone samples from her They basically use a drill like device and extracted samples 1.0 and a 1 .7 cm long and 0.1 cm in diameter. These are being sent to pathology to determine what is going on.

Pace, the wee one and France went out to dinner afterward and France said that it really didn't hurt that much.

Pace's Mom France

France hasn't been feeling well.

She's been tired and lathargic. Then she was having problems breathing again. So off she went to the hospital. Yes, it was congestive heart failure again. Her lungs were pretty full with liquid. They drained her out and when she complained about the back pains she's been having the doctors decided to do an MRI too.

They said that her bones were "stained" and scheduled her to come in for a bone biopsy. I'm concerned but given the choice I'm praying for osteoporosis rather than another round of cancer.

Charlemans Wagon

Pace brought this story to my attention. It's by a man in Norway who'se partner faced Breast Cancer. It's well written.

Read it at World Conference on Breast Cancer Foundation (WCBCF) website. Then the accompanying picture of the big dipper will make sense. For me I've seen that constellation in a new way ever since.

It is by author and journalist JON MAGNUS of Norway (Email: jon.magnus@vg.no)

Design 4 a Difference

This was an incredible evening.

George Brown College has a certificate in Sports Marketing and Event Planning; the first half of the course is theory and the second half requires organizing an event.


One of these students, Lisa Stuve, organized the event called Design 4 a Difference. I mentioned it in an earlier blog entry.


My folks, friends Jim and Louise as well as a couple of older staff came out. So that made us not quite the oldest people there.

Pascale's tee-shirt sold for $60.00. Only one sold for more at $75.00.

Kudos to Lisa, Jean Ledoux and Pace.

The Vitamin D Link

Since what seems like forever we've been told to stay out of the sun, to avoid skin cancer. However it's also noted that people in northern climates have higher cancer rates which has been linked to a lack of Vitamin D from the sun.

Now a four-year study out of Creighton University in Nebraska found that women who regularly took vitamin D3 had a 60 per cent reduction in cancer infections compared to a group taking placebos.

This is not to say that we should be going back to tanning oil and sunbathing rather 10-15 minutes of sun on the face and hands three times a week is probably a good thing.

Now get outside and get some sun.

Follow up appointments

Pace saw her oncologost yesterday and try as I might to distract myself, it was an anxiety filled day. My intuition screamed at me to call her about 8:30. Aprehensively I picked up the phone and called her. It turned out to be a classic case of having no control over a section of your life. Pace was touched that I was worried about her but this is a maintenance appointment at the dctor, no big deal.

Regardless, she had talked with Dr. Rami about her pains in the outside of her breast. He told her it was probably a buildup of scar tissue, of she wanted she should call the plastic surgeon. He has scheduled a series of tests including MRIs and mamograms to be sure all is well.

Pace asked about the potential for metastasis given the aount of women she has met recently that are dealing with cancer reappearing. Dr. Rami told her to that the surgery was successful, the chemo was effective, and she's going to see her little girl grow up. Cancer is behind you.

Whew!

Pace and Jean's Winning Design

We were informed yesterday that Pace and Jean Ledoux, a family friend and graphic artist, have been selected as a top design and finalist in the Design 4 a Difference Contest. Jean contributed to and executed Pace's creative direction emphasizing hope and the metamorphosis of surviving Breast Cancer.

Design4ADifference is a T-shirt design contest and fundraiser to raise money for cancer research and patient care through the The Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation.

The Design4ADifference will be held on Wednesday July 11, 2007, from 7:00 to 10:00 pm at Namelings Gallery 147 Church Street, Toronto. Tickets are $10.00 at the door.

We'll be there, hope to see you there too!

Compiling and Publishing a Breast Cancer Resource for Men

After going through this ordeal I wanted to compile a list of resources for Men trying to support their wives and keep the family working as well as successfully dealing with persona and professional lives.

I did not find a lot. So I decided to put one together on my own.

Interestingly enough, I am getting serious attention and interest from the support organizations but none from agents and publishers. One agent told me to make it big in the USA and then come back and talk to her about representation.

It's shameful how Canadian cultural institutions are so risk adverse that talent and creativity have to be validated abroad before it will get attention here.

One crazy hot flash!

Last night I woke up at 1:00 in the morning overheated and covered in sweat. Not the cold, clammy uncomfortable kind, more sauna like except that rather than having hot air wick the sweat off me, the bed sheets are damp and my pjs are clinging to me.

The room was hot... so much so that I opened the window and checked the radiator to see if the bolier was going crazy. Nope, that wasn't the source. So I get a glass of water, go back to bed, and pull Pace close. Then it hits me. There's no problem with the boiler, I've got a furnace in my bed.

Oddly, while Pace was roasting she was barely sweating. I flipped the comforter off and eventually got back to sleep. I was told menopause was weird but I didn't think a hot flash could be that strong.

Wow! Talk about underestimating the power of a woman.

A excellent portal for cancer news

Here's a great site that I discovered recently.

It has an obviously Canadian bent but the articles are informative, the stories of defeat heartmoving, and victory inspiring.

The "hope and fear" section is the most thought provoking to me.

Check it out! www.globeandmail.com/cancer

Pace's oophorectomy and menopause

An oophorectomy or in plain English, removing the ovaries, has put Pace into the start of menopause.

It would be counterproductive to go the hormone therapy route. While hormone therapy would keep Pace like feeling herself, it would increase our chances of estrogen stimulated cancers. For most women menopause starts when a woman is about 51 and some doctors feel ovaries are a risk after that time.

Menopause causes a significant amount of changes for women. Pace is already exhibiting some of them and I've been warned that this is a 3 year process before the body stabilizes.

On the bright side, Pace will never have a period again so she won't have to deal with the irregular menstrual periods that accompany menopause. However, there is a grocery list of other physical manifestations of menopause specifically;

1. Hot flashes & night sweats
2. Fatigue, memory problems, irritability, and rapid changes in mood
3. Urinary symptoms Hot flashes & night sweats
4. Vaginal dryness, itching, or irritation causing painful sexual intercourse
5. Increased risk of urinary tract infection , more frequent urinate and possibly incontinence

The oncologists have mentioned that there are new drugs that target these symptoms. However, they are still not in clinical trials. Pace has volunteered to participate if they become available Me, I'm all for it.

A Homecoming

Today the wee one and I went to the train station to pick up Pace. It's been a year and a half since the three of us were together under one roof and not under the specter of cancer. It's a homecoming, a family reunion and like waking up from a bad dream.

I was looking at Pace and she is a different person, and I'm not talking about the breast reconstruction, battle scars and now curly hair; even though she's finding her old dresses don't fit quite right through the chest. She's more focused and driven; plain and simple.

We re-introduced ourselves of the neighbors at the playground and Kim immediately remembered Pace. We talked about trying to find an acceptable day care facility and other mundane things. Everything felt new and "normal" at the same time.

Cancer found its way into the conversation as a friend of Kim's got breast cancer at 30 just before her wedding. Reminds me of a saying Marcus Spellar told me. "There was a man who complained because he had no shoes until he met a man who had no feet."

We ended up eating a lukewarm dinner as the wee one required attention just as I served the plates. Things are definitely settling back to normal.

Realizing What You're Made Of - An HBR article, March 2007

As I was sitting in the new Terminal One waiting for my delayed flight, I the tile of an article caught my eye "Realizing What You're Made Of." it was a finger of God moment considering this topic has been running around in my mind recently. I mused about overcoming adversity in an earlier post this month. However, it was one of those moments... just when you think you've got it bad, you'll see someone's always got it worse.

The writer is the co-founder of management-consulting firm FrontierWorks. He tells his story of overcoming adversity. He suffered a sudden injury to his spinal cord which left him paralyzed from the waist down. Through perserverance, guidance, effort and elation that he turned a handicap into a new life.

And while Montreal was shrouded in airport closing fog I read a sidebar summarizing what he'd learned from this experience. It rang clear as a bell.

• Adversity distorts reality, but crystallizes the truth
• Loss amplifies the value of what remains
• It's easier to create new dreams than cling to broken ones
• You can't know what will happen tomorrow-and it's better that way
• Your happiness is more important than righting injustices
• You can't control what happens, just how you respond

The article is worth a read if you can find the time, order it here."Realizing What You're Made Of" by Glenn Mangurian

Overcoming adversity

Overcoming adversity and these challenges will lead to accomplishing even greater things than Pace and I thought possible. It's awakening us to new possibilities and opportunities. We're communicating in ways we never have before. We are different people that we were before cancer struck and while that is challenging to our relationship, it's really no different than anyone else's relationship pressures. It's just that Keeping Pace has distorted time and accelerated changes in our outlooks on life.

A famous businessman once said: "You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."

Interestingly enough that is attributed to the founder of family entertainment, Walt Disney.

Pace's bones ache, and I feel like a wraith is muttering in my ear

The radiologist told us that Pace will feel pain in her bones as a result of the radio, but to be sure to be aware of any change in the pain and alert the cancer surgeon. Sometimes knowing too much about cancer can cause the mind to turn inward and hear a wraith where there was none to begin with.

And the wraith says things like.

• The thing that makes cancer deadly is when the cancerous cells migrate to other areas of the body
• Different cancers have specific maps and preferred pathways to other areas of the body
• Breast cancer cells often move to the bones.
• The docs say while they actually seem to mutate into another form of cancer, its still breast cancer.
• Breast Cancer also tends to spread to the lymphatic system, liver skin and brain

So I thank the wraith for the warning and get back to focusing on the concrete and the positive.

Researcher dispels Myth of Dioxins and Plastic Water Bottles

In all good intentions my folks sent me an email that has been doing the rounds for a couple of years.
If you're going to use a microwave, it's always a good idea to use class rather than plastic. However, the hysteria of the email is unmitigated.

Below is the link to the clarification from John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.

Researcher dispels Myth of Dioxins and Plastic Water Bottles

If you are interested in the Urban Legand, here it is, it's a classic spammers chain mail, note the variation on "forward this to all your friends!"

CANCER UPDATE FROM JOHN HOPKINS HOSPITAL , U S - PLEASE READ

1. No plastic containers in microwave
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well.Dioxin chemicals cause cancer, especially breast cancer.Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies.

Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.

He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers.This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body.

Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else.Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc.He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.
Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food.Cover food with a paper towel instead.This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life!

Good bye Ben LeBlanc, God Speed

My memories of Ben LeBlanc are good ones and happy. He's Pace's paternal grandfather and he died Friday at 97.

Pace and I were unable to make the service. Pace can't travel due to her surgery and logistics are against me; so France, Pierre and the wee one acted as our ambassadors.

Bye Bye Ben, you are loved by a great extended family.

Discharged and Discharges

I brought Pace back to Oka this afternoon. In the same conversation the doctors talked about discharging her from the and about what to do about discharges of blood or from the scar. Sometimes a thesaurus would really help the bedside manner.

When we got in the door the wee one was ecstatic to see her again. Pace's staples are out and the so is the catheter. The doctors have told here to walk, go up stairs and in general exercise, just let pain be your guide. The pain killers are a serious mask but you can see when they kick in.

Pace has spent a lot of time sleeping, and that is a good thing, when you sleep you mend.

The wee one's flowers for "Mommy"

We didn't want to take The Wee One to St. Luc Hospital too soon. It's hard to see your loved one at first delirious from anesthetics then in a fog of pain followed by the lucidity of the painkillers. Pierre and I thought it was good for her to understand what's happening to Mama before she came home. Yet for her sake, we'd waited till the hydromorphine lowered Pace's deep abdominal pain and internal suffering.

Ma petit fille got help at Marlyne's day care making the Valentines Day Bag, the blue flower was her choice at the flower shop with France and Pierre, The plush flower was from Intramiel along with a pot of propolis for her surgical scar. The wee one and I like to go there to look at the farm animals, play on the slides, get Raspberry Flower Honey; there is a real difference in taste and lastly look for the Queen Bee; she has a green dot on the middle of her thorax. There was a small group of worker bees who have stayed on, buzzing around the Queen keeping her warm. The wee one's doesn't quite get the metaphor yet but it does describe the help we've been getting for the last 16 months.

So the wee one's sat next to Pace on the hospital bed and didn't move from there. She talked about her life and that "Mommy" would get better, checked out the bandage and she talked some more. She even stuck up an conversation with Pace's room-mate Madame Ducat. She definitely an extroverted one she takes after the both of us role models.

I'm not allowed in the hospital

I was woken up yesterday morning by the wee one wanting me to read her a Winne the Pooh books.

About 5 pages from the end I got this incredible call from mother nature. I struggled to finish the story and bolted to the bathroom. There is truth to the cliché that if you want to get sick go to the hospital. The documentation on hospital borne gastro infections like C difficile, are that they are highly contagious. However, if you are a normal helathy adult, with a strong immune system, it too will pass.

It lasted for two days and I embarked on an almost fanatical hygenic routine of hand washing and cleaning up after myself with Lysol, Purel, soap and water to reduce the risk of Pace getting this. Fortunaltly it worked, no one else has gotten it and I lost 10 pounds to boot. Pace feels that it's just stress and nerves; smile and nod yes Robert, just smile and nod yes.

Visitors from 2 to 4, yeah right

I stayed at the hospital from 3:00pm till about 2:00 am, talking, telling Pace to rest and working on the laptop when she was asleep. It was like a movie or tv cliche. Driving back through the snow covered streets was a challenge.

Another Successful Operation! A great Valentine's Day present.

Genevieve the resident gynecologist came by to see Pace this morning and told her that as far as everyone was concerned, her hysterectomy was a success. Pace has a small body and perfect anatomy. She liked hearing that. However if I say the same thing it just doesn't have the same effect on her. Maybe even with a variety of change-ups to the same complement years just doesn't seem as fresh after 18 years of repetition.  Anyways...

The surgeons had been concerned that as they cut through the scar of her cesarean section that some of the underlying organs had been connected to the scar tissue. That's a very major health problem if the cut causes bacteria to leak from the intestines. Last thing you want is a fluid from the intestines getting into your abdominal cavity and causing Peritonitis.

When they did get her open, and had clamped back the skin, they were a bit concerned because her intestines were not completely empty. One of the risks of any operation is a slip of the scalpel that nicks an organ.

So they got the intestine moved out of the way and there was the uterus and the ovaries. Genevieve said the operation was so smooth that they should have had the students in to witness how easy this operation can be.

Pace is in intense pain and the hot flashes have started again.

However, we are one step closer to getting this all behind us.

Unwanted surprises on the day of the Operation

I get to the hospital this morning with Pace's mom France to find the isolation sign back on the door; approval from the nurse, sanitary blouses and latex gloves required to enter the room. It took every moral fiber to keep my emotions from going thermo-nuclear. Even then I know that my frustration was visibly evident.

The nurse told me not to worry. They still did not have final confirming results from the tests but so far the tests are negative. "It's preventative and there's probably nothing to worry about."
"And would you want your husband hospitalized in the same room with people infected with c difficile?" I asked.
"That's not fair and it's more complicated than that." She replied.
"Sorry, but it feels like you're gambling that all will be well." I observed
"We're taking all of the necessary precautions." She insisted and then added. "Make sure you wear the sanitary gown and gloves."
I bit my tongue to keep from saying something I'd regret and causing resentment towards Pace.

The operation was to take 2.5 hours in total. The operation itself is an hour; the other time is getting her set up and into the recovery room.

Pace was told she'd go down for her operation at 11:15am. We got no news until they finally came for her at 2:00pm.

It's disconcerting because we know from experience that the operation would be cancelled if the doctors weren't able to be finish and be out of the operating theatre by 4:00pm, unless there were complications of course...

Fortunately there were no complications, the nurse said Dr. Ouellette was happy and Pace was back in the room for 6:00. France and I sat with her as she drifted in and out of consciousness. She's in a lot of pain and wants the pain killers but she's got a blood pressure sensitivity to morphine and she doesn't like the "drugged out" sensation of Dilaudid, which is also a morphine based pharmaceutical but has not got the same side effects.

As the nurse said "which do you prefer, the pain or the pain killer?"

France and I left Pace at about 9:30.

The drama is exhausting.

Pre-operative events

Pace got prodded and tested again from 7:00 am till 1:30pm with pre-operative tests. Everything seems like it is a go for the operation.

I took Pace out for a dim sum late lunch. It was the first time in a while that we've been alone and we spent some time talking about what we'd like to focus on once we get the other side of this operation. We just enjoyed each other's company.

We got back to Hopital St-Luc for Pace's 6:30 check-in. As we get to her room there is a sign on the door not to enter without talking to the nursing station first. At the station they tell us that there was a suspicion that the other woman in the room had contracted "C. difficile" and that her tests had come back negative. So I got Pace set up in her room, made sure she was comfortable with everything she neeeded and went to la maison to spend some time with the wee one.

As I was reading the wee one her bedtime story I fell asleep twice, dropping the book on her. "Popa! what are you doooing?"
"Sorry, unh, where were we?" and I continued reading

I woke up 11 hours later feeling still tired but peaceful and the wee one was still in the crook of my arm.

Winter Driving on the 401 and the Ottawa River Ice Bridge

Sometimes you just have to drive and deal with old man winter when you don't want to.

Pace has tests tomorrow (Monday) morning, and she'd recovered from her gastro Sunday AM. So off we went. I didn't bother to check weather conditions in Ontario or Quebec cause all it was going to do was going to do was make the drive more stressful.

We had blizzard conditions for an hour and a half from from Oshawa to Napanee. Then again from Prescott to Cornwall.

Luckily the ice bridge over the Ottawa river is open. The ice has to be 1 foot thick before they open it, it's faster than the ferry, it cuts about 45 minutes off of the trip and We could have visted jean-Louis at his ice fishing hut.

Monday Morning After Superbowl.

Well Grossman has now earned his reputation as a "choke." I admit the Bears were outplayed on offense, whatever, I just like Soldiers Field and just about everything else about Chicago way more than Indianapolis.

Pace had a great time. Thank-you Todd and Nancy for the hospitality and the cool clothes for the wee one.

We're a week away from admitance to the hospital and it was a welcome release from the last minute jitters and pre operation emotional stress.

Gastro and Pre Operation Angst

So Perry told me that I should be nominated for the Father of the Year award this week. I've been cranking out the work for contracts, long days and short nights.

I got 3 hours sleep on Tuesday, so finally getting to bed at 11:00 on Wed was a slog. At 12:30 Vianne woke up screaming and vomiting and kept it up till 6:00. Thursday night was a repeat engagement. Last night Pace said she wasn't feeling well and going to bed. About 1:00am Pace enacted Gastro, the sequal. She's up most of last night. The wee one got up at 6:00
"I'm hungry"
She obviously is not sick any more.

We were supposed to leave for Montreal today as Pace has to check into St. Luc for pre operation tests on Monday and her operation on Tuesday.

So we're going tomorrow.

Pace is a little freaked, she wanted to have a little time to relax in Oka park before going to the hospital. She's worried about this operation and it's manifesting itself through nightmares and anxiety. Things like the Operating Room covered in blood and she's having an out of body experience.

You listen, you reassure, and you give hugs and kisses. This is not a time for statistics and platitudes.

Go Bears!

Once great thing about the Super Bowl is the way we can get families together have fun and forget about cancer for a while.

Yeah the boys sidebar to tell me that Pace and I are almost through it, the girls tell me Pace is looking great and how inspirational we are but it's overshadowed by the game.

Right now the distraction's what we really need.

The Colts are favored to win by 7 points. For the last 3 superbowls the game has been decided by only 3 points. Urban legend says Superbowls are usually blowouts. I have a feeling we may be looking at another one tomorrow.

Oh yeah, the Colts suck!

Hysterectomy with Salpingo-oophorectomy

Pace's next operation is a hysterectomy with salpingo-oophorectomy, or rather removal of the uterus, cervix, ovaries and fallopian tubes. It will significantly reduce her chances of having other BCRA1 related cancers.

Some opinions are that you should only have the operation if you have been diagnosed with an urgent medical situation. BRCA1 is an immediately important medical challenge for us. The decision to proceed with the procedure was not a light one. The three top conditions the operation causes are:

• menopause
• early osteoporosis
• elevated risk of heart disease

Another thing is that we won't be able to have any more children unless we adopt, which our friends Jacques and Heather have successfully done, which is a possibility.

The other option is we enter the ambiguous realm of surrogate motherhood egg extraction and cryogenic oocyte (egg) preservation. Umm... no!

The Cancer Angle in the Argument for Stem Cell Research

A lot of people that have been through the cancer triathlon believe that chemotherapy will be considered as barbaric to our grandchildren as blood-letting is to us.

Chemotherapy targets all cells and maybe we should only be targeting a few cells instead. The Cancer Stem Cell Hypothesis has been around since the 1950s but it has been considered a fringe idea.

Healthy stem cells can give rise to any tissue found in the body and thus provide nearly limitless potential for regenerative medical applications.

Now there is proof that blood cancers, brain and breast tumors are made up of two types of cancer cells. A small percentage of the tumor are cancerous stem cells that generate the multiple cells that actually make up the larger mass. So the real problem in breast cancer is cancer stem cells

Stem cell research is definitely controversial and a potential ethical dilemma. However, if research can help us to single out and destroy the stem cells that cause cancer; I vote for stem cell research.

A risk we can't mitigate, cancer of the Peritoneum

One of the other types of cancer that are related to the BRCA1 gene is Cancer of the Peritoneum. It turns out this is a relatively new discovery.

The gynecologist told us that ovarian cancer is now widely recognized as hereditary. As with just about every other cancer that I've encountered on this "sabbatical," it's not one specific genetic sequence that causes cancer there are potentially many triggers.

Prophylactic oophorectomy, doctor jargon for getting a preventative removal of the ovaries is used for women judged to have a 50% risk for this disease. However, recent evidence has disclosed that a fraction of the patients who underwent an oophorectomy and whose ovaries appeared normal when surgically removed, subsequently developed abdominal cancer with the laboratory finding the lesions to be indistinguishable from ovarian carcinoma.

This abdominal cancer is where the Peritoneum goes malignant. The peritoneum is the membrane sack lining the abdominal cavity which holds all of our organs in place. The doctor stresses the risk is small but as we've seen doctors behave before, we are told of all the things that can possibly go wrong.

Turns out the ovaries and the peritoneum come from the same stem cells and the final tissue of the two is pretty much identical. Who'd of thought that?

Every cloud has a silver lining

As I was out for a walk in the snow I was thinking about all of our issues.

Then it hit me, the need for conversations about getting a vasectomy is over!

Over the years Pace and I had discussed the options; after we'd had a couple of kids she could get her tubes tied or I could have a vasectomy. There have been a spicy conversations about this subject with polarized opinions from various people.

"Why would you put your wife through such an invasive operation as getting her tubes tied?"
"Buddy, you get a vasectomy and you're not a man anymore!"
"Would you rather be a gelding or a stallion?"

So while a vasectomy is less invasive it still carries risks. Sperm takes 90 days to grow in the testes and it gets stored in the epididymis. While doctors think sperm can last up to 48 hours in the uterus and fallopian tubes they have no idea how long it lives in a man's body before ejaculation.

Vasectomies most commonly result in painful, swollen, and tender epididymis or testis in the first year after surgery. One might then think that sperm lives on for more than 48 hours...

In more extreme cases because the testis continues to produce sperm it eventually dies in the epididymis and now must be reabsorbed by the body. Some men develop anti-sperm antibodies which provoke immune system over-reactions like rheumatoid arthritis, juvenile diabetes, and multiple sclerosis.

Some studies suggest vasectomies increase the risk of prostrate cancer, others have shown no increase in risk. There is a theory but no proof.

Given everything we've been going through, it's nice to have one less worry.

So guys, would you get a vasectomy? Leave a comment!

Erin Brockovich

When I came into the living room Pace was watching the movie Erin Brockovich.

It's relevant as Erin Brockovich triumphed over the odds, she proved herself, and reinvented her life. Pace has voiced an intention of helping out young women, especially young mothers with Breast Cancer.

There is a poignant scene where Erin is talking with Donna Jensen about her cancer diagnosis. Donna has to get a double masectomy and a hysterectomy. It went something like this.

Donna: "I've had so many cysts I never figured this one would be cancerous."
Erin: "We'll make sure you get well taken care of."
Donna's eyes start welling up with tears.
Donna: "Can I ask you something?"
Erin: "Anything."
Donna: "If I don't have breasts or a uterus anymore am I still a woman?"
Donna starts crying.
Erin reaches over and gently takes her hand
Erin: "Of course, you'll always be a woman. You just won't have to buy any more underwire or maxi-pads."
Donna and Erin both smile.

This mirrors an ongoing discussion Pace and I have had. More on that in another post.

Egg Whites killing cancer?

Viragen, the company that brought us the cloned sheep Dolly has genetically manipulated chickens to produce cancer fighting antibodies inside of egg whites.

Even the antibodies are lab created, and due to the difficulty of manfuacturing they've found a way to grow the antibodies in chickens. It's so precise that the protien remains confined to the egg white.

More details in this article on Science Daily or Reuteurs.

$2.3 Billion in lost personal productivity annually

The Journal of the National Cancer Institute just published a study estimating the cost of cancer for the patient in the first year of treatment alone.

Their methodology included adding up the hours spent sitting in doctors' waiting rooms, interviewing with doctors and researchers, waiting your turn for M.R.I.s, CT scans, attending chemotherapy sessions, radiotherapy sessions and other treatments. They estimate the collective cost of Cancer to individuals is around US$2.3 billion, that's over $3,000 per person.

They did not consider a second person coming along for support and care; based on our expenses, this study is a serious underestimate of cancer's financial cost to the family.

This estimate is only time spent in the health system; getting tests, operations etc. It doesn't count the days spent home in bed recovering from surgery or regaining strength from chemotherapy and radiotherapy regimens.

Dr. Len Lichtenfeld of the American Cancer Society summed it up poignantly "Cancer is more than the just the dollars and cents for the medicines and the treatments and the doctors. It's also the lost opportunities for the patients."

There's also day care for kids, transportation, parking, outrageously expensive prescriptions, and other unexpected expenses. The there's the way cancer puts careers on hold but more on that later.

Caregiver stress and hair color over 3 years

I was looking through some of our pictures on the weekend and I came across these two.

Wow, it's amazing how the stress of Keeping Pace and our other trials of the last 3 years has stripped my hair color. That said, I have earned every one of these gray hairs.

My barber says I should strip them white this summer when I have a tan for a really striking look. Hmm. We'll have to see about that.

Decline in Horomonotherapy Prescriptions Results in Decline in Breast Cancer

In one area the incidence of Breast Cancer has declined over the last 8 years. A clinical study running since 1974 demonstrates a corresponding decline in breast cancer when compared against the decline in hormone replacement therapy.

Annual Number of Prescriptions
for Female Hormonotherapy
2001 - 12.6 Million
2002 - 11.6 Million
2003 - 8.5 Million
2004 - 6.7 Million
2005 - 5.9 Million

The upper lines of the chart on the right illustrates in yearly rates the prevalence of estrogen-only and estrogen/progestin–containing hormone therapy use, the lower lines demonstrate the incidence of invasive breast cancer in members of the Kaiser Permanente Insurance Company group for Northern California (KPNC) members, the 13-county KPNC client study area, and the overall stats for the state of California, from 1994 to 2004.

The Oncologist is happy!

Late in December we saw Dr. Rami and he told Pace that all seems well. She is healing well and the scarring is diminishing. He want's to see her every 3 months for a year and then every 6 months following.

He wanted to be sure that we were seeing the gynecological oncologist and that he strongly recommends that she gets her ovaries out. Pace told him she'd already decided on that.

He also told her to see the Plastic Surgeon as her right breast implant has changed, probably as a result of the radiation therapy or physical exertion.

From a standpoint of dealing with BRCA1, Pace has survived the Breast Cancer reaction. Now we move into the proactive stage to mitigate Pace's chances of having breast cancer again.