A Homecoming

Today the wee one and I went to the train station to pick up Pace. It's been a year and a half since the three of us were together under one roof and not under the specter of cancer. It's a homecoming, a family reunion and like waking up from a bad dream.

I was looking at Pace and she is a different person, and I'm not talking about the breast reconstruction, battle scars and now curly hair; even though she's finding her old dresses don't fit quite right through the chest. She's more focused and driven; plain and simple.

We re-introduced ourselves of the neighbors at the playground and Kim immediately remembered Pace. We talked about trying to find an acceptable day care facility and other mundane things. Everything felt new and "normal" at the same time.

Cancer found its way into the conversation as a friend of Kim's got breast cancer at 30 just before her wedding. Reminds me of a saying Marcus Spellar told me. "There was a man who complained because he had no shoes until he met a man who had no feet."

We ended up eating a lukewarm dinner as the wee one required attention just as I served the plates. Things are definitely settling back to normal.

Realizing What You're Made Of - An HBR article, March 2007

As I was sitting in the new Terminal One waiting for my delayed flight, I the tile of an article caught my eye "Realizing What You're Made Of." it was a finger of God moment considering this topic has been running around in my mind recently. I mused about overcoming adversity in an earlier post this month. However, it was one of those moments... just when you think you've got it bad, you'll see someone's always got it worse.

The writer is the co-founder of management-consulting firm FrontierWorks. He tells his story of overcoming adversity. He suffered a sudden injury to his spinal cord which left him paralyzed from the waist down. Through perserverance, guidance, effort and elation that he turned a handicap into a new life.

And while Montreal was shrouded in airport closing fog I read a sidebar summarizing what he'd learned from this experience. It rang clear as a bell.

• Adversity distorts reality, but crystallizes the truth
• Loss amplifies the value of what remains
• It's easier to create new dreams than cling to broken ones
• You can't know what will happen tomorrow-and it's better that way
• Your happiness is more important than righting injustices
• You can't control what happens, just how you respond

The article is worth a read if you can find the time, order it here."Realizing What You're Made Of" by Glenn Mangurian

Overcoming adversity

Overcoming adversity and these challenges will lead to accomplishing even greater things than Pace and I thought possible. It's awakening us to new possibilities and opportunities. We're communicating in ways we never have before. We are different people that we were before cancer struck and while that is challenging to our relationship, it's really no different than anyone else's relationship pressures. It's just that Keeping Pace has distorted time and accelerated changes in our outlooks on life.

A famous businessman once said: "You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."

Interestingly enough that is attributed to the founder of family entertainment, Walt Disney.

Pace's bones ache, and I feel like a wraith is muttering in my ear

The radiologist told us that Pace will feel pain in her bones as a result of the radio, but to be sure to be aware of any change in the pain and alert the cancer surgeon. Sometimes knowing too much about cancer can cause the mind to turn inward and hear a wraith where there was none to begin with.

And the wraith says things like.

• The thing that makes cancer deadly is when the cancerous cells migrate to other areas of the body
• Different cancers have specific maps and preferred pathways to other areas of the body
• Breast cancer cells often move to the bones.
• The docs say while they actually seem to mutate into another form of cancer, its still breast cancer.
• Breast Cancer also tends to spread to the lymphatic system, liver skin and brain

So I thank the wraith for the warning and get back to focusing on the concrete and the positive.

Researcher dispels Myth of Dioxins and Plastic Water Bottles

In all good intentions my folks sent me an email that has been doing the rounds for a couple of years.
If you're going to use a microwave, it's always a good idea to use class rather than plastic. However, the hysteria of the email is unmitigated.

Below is the link to the clarification from John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.

Researcher dispels Myth of Dioxins and Plastic Water Bottles

If you are interested in the Urban Legand, here it is, it's a classic spammers chain mail, note the variation on "forward this to all your friends!"

CANCER UPDATE FROM JOHN HOPKINS HOSPITAL , U S - PLEASE READ

1. No plastic containers in microwave
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well.Dioxin chemicals cause cancer, especially breast cancer.Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies.

Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.

He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers.This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body.

Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else.Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc.He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.
Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food.Cover food with a paper towel instead.This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life!

Good bye Ben LeBlanc, God Speed

My memories of Ben LeBlanc are good ones and happy. He's Pace's paternal grandfather and he died Friday at 97.

Pace and I were unable to make the service. Pace can't travel due to her surgery and logistics are against me; so France, Pierre and the wee one acted as our ambassadors.

Bye Bye Ben, you are loved by a great extended family.

Discharged and Discharges

I brought Pace back to Oka this afternoon. In the same conversation the doctors talked about discharging her from the and about what to do about discharges of blood or from the scar. Sometimes a thesaurus would really help the bedside manner.

When we got in the door the wee one was ecstatic to see her again. Pace's staples are out and the so is the catheter. The doctors have told here to walk, go up stairs and in general exercise, just let pain be your guide. The pain killers are a serious mask but you can see when they kick in.

Pace has spent a lot of time sleeping, and that is a good thing, when you sleep you mend.

The wee one's flowers for "Mommy"

We didn't want to take The Wee One to St. Luc Hospital too soon. It's hard to see your loved one at first delirious from anesthetics then in a fog of pain followed by the lucidity of the painkillers. Pierre and I thought it was good for her to understand what's happening to Mama before she came home. Yet for her sake, we'd waited till the hydromorphine lowered Pace's deep abdominal pain and internal suffering.

Ma petit fille got help at Marlyne's day care making the Valentines Day Bag, the blue flower was her choice at the flower shop with France and Pierre, The plush flower was from Intramiel along with a pot of propolis for her surgical scar. The wee one and I like to go there to look at the farm animals, play on the slides, get Raspberry Flower Honey; there is a real difference in taste and lastly look for the Queen Bee; she has a green dot on the middle of her thorax. There was a small group of worker bees who have stayed on, buzzing around the Queen keeping her warm. The wee one's doesn't quite get the metaphor yet but it does describe the help we've been getting for the last 16 months.

So the wee one's sat next to Pace on the hospital bed and didn't move from there. She talked about her life and that "Mommy" would get better, checked out the bandage and she talked some more. She even stuck up an conversation with Pace's room-mate Madame Ducat. She definitely an extroverted one she takes after the both of us role models.

I'm not allowed in the hospital

I was woken up yesterday morning by the wee one wanting me to read her a Winne the Pooh books.

About 5 pages from the end I got this incredible call from mother nature. I struggled to finish the story and bolted to the bathroom. There is truth to the cliché that if you want to get sick go to the hospital. The documentation on hospital borne gastro infections like C difficile, are that they are highly contagious. However, if you are a normal helathy adult, with a strong immune system, it too will pass.

It lasted for two days and I embarked on an almost fanatical hygenic routine of hand washing and cleaning up after myself with Lysol, Purel, soap and water to reduce the risk of Pace getting this. Fortunaltly it worked, no one else has gotten it and I lost 10 pounds to boot. Pace feels that it's just stress and nerves; smile and nod yes Robert, just smile and nod yes.

Visitors from 2 to 4, yeah right

I stayed at the hospital from 3:00pm till about 2:00 am, talking, telling Pace to rest and working on the laptop when she was asleep. It was like a movie or tv cliche. Driving back through the snow covered streets was a challenge.

Another Successful Operation! A great Valentine's Day present.

Genevieve the resident gynecologist came by to see Pace this morning and told her that as far as everyone was concerned, her hysterectomy was a success. Pace has a small body and perfect anatomy. She liked hearing that. However if I say the same thing it just doesn't have the same effect on her. Maybe even with a variety of change-ups to the same complement years just doesn't seem as fresh after 18 years of repetition.  Anyways...

The surgeons had been concerned that as they cut through the scar of her cesarean section that some of the underlying organs had been connected to the scar tissue. That's a very major health problem if the cut causes bacteria to leak from the intestines. Last thing you want is a fluid from the intestines getting into your abdominal cavity and causing Peritonitis.

When they did get her open, and had clamped back the skin, they were a bit concerned because her intestines were not completely empty. One of the risks of any operation is a slip of the scalpel that nicks an organ.

So they got the intestine moved out of the way and there was the uterus and the ovaries. Genevieve said the operation was so smooth that they should have had the students in to witness how easy this operation can be.

Pace is in intense pain and the hot flashes have started again.

However, we are one step closer to getting this all behind us.

Unwanted surprises on the day of the Operation

I get to the hospital this morning with Pace's mom France to find the isolation sign back on the door; approval from the nurse, sanitary blouses and latex gloves required to enter the room. It took every moral fiber to keep my emotions from going thermo-nuclear. Even then I know that my frustration was visibly evident.

The nurse told me not to worry. They still did not have final confirming results from the tests but so far the tests are negative. "It's preventative and there's probably nothing to worry about."
"And would you want your husband hospitalized in the same room with people infected with c difficile?" I asked.
"That's not fair and it's more complicated than that." She replied.
"Sorry, but it feels like you're gambling that all will be well." I observed
"We're taking all of the necessary precautions." She insisted and then added. "Make sure you wear the sanitary gown and gloves."
I bit my tongue to keep from saying something I'd regret and causing resentment towards Pace.

The operation was to take 2.5 hours in total. The operation itself is an hour; the other time is getting her set up and into the recovery room.

Pace was told she'd go down for her operation at 11:15am. We got no news until they finally came for her at 2:00pm.

It's disconcerting because we know from experience that the operation would be cancelled if the doctors weren't able to be finish and be out of the operating theatre by 4:00pm, unless there were complications of course...

Fortunately there were no complications, the nurse said Dr. Ouellette was happy and Pace was back in the room for 6:00. France and I sat with her as she drifted in and out of consciousness. She's in a lot of pain and wants the pain killers but she's got a blood pressure sensitivity to morphine and she doesn't like the "drugged out" sensation of Dilaudid, which is also a morphine based pharmaceutical but has not got the same side effects.

As the nurse said "which do you prefer, the pain or the pain killer?"

France and I left Pace at about 9:30.

The drama is exhausting.

Pre-operative events

Pace got prodded and tested again from 7:00 am till 1:30pm with pre-operative tests. Everything seems like it is a go for the operation.

I took Pace out for a dim sum late lunch. It was the first time in a while that we've been alone and we spent some time talking about what we'd like to focus on once we get the other side of this operation. We just enjoyed each other's company.

We got back to Hopital St-Luc for Pace's 6:30 check-in. As we get to her room there is a sign on the door not to enter without talking to the nursing station first. At the station they tell us that there was a suspicion that the other woman in the room had contracted "C. difficile" and that her tests had come back negative. So I got Pace set up in her room, made sure she was comfortable with everything she neeeded and went to la maison to spend some time with the wee one.

As I was reading the wee one her bedtime story I fell asleep twice, dropping the book on her. "Popa! what are you doooing?"
"Sorry, unh, where were we?" and I continued reading

I woke up 11 hours later feeling still tired but peaceful and the wee one was still in the crook of my arm.

Winter Driving on the 401 and the Ottawa River Ice Bridge

Sometimes you just have to drive and deal with old man winter when you don't want to.

Pace has tests tomorrow (Monday) morning, and she'd recovered from her gastro Sunday AM. So off we went. I didn't bother to check weather conditions in Ontario or Quebec cause all it was going to do was going to do was make the drive more stressful.

We had blizzard conditions for an hour and a half from from Oshawa to Napanee. Then again from Prescott to Cornwall.

Luckily the ice bridge over the Ottawa river is open. The ice has to be 1 foot thick before they open it, it's faster than the ferry, it cuts about 45 minutes off of the trip and We could have visted jean-Louis at his ice fishing hut.