** Alert ** New posts to backfill information gaps ** Alert **

I've been trying to get through a backlog of catching up on work, chores, paperwork and chipping away on adding to the blog.

Since the posts are going to go up in chronological order from when I started them. Scroll down this page for posts I've backfilled to bring you up to date on Pace's recovery.

It's a real busy time and I've been trying to rescue a second $250k SalesLogix deal that's ended up going to Microsoft. So much for 200 pictures of Robert Borden in commissions per deal.

What really burns is what the prospect wrote in the decision, "I would like to thank you for all the effort you have made both personally and as a company. Were the decision to have been made on best pitch and best received sales team, you would have taken the deal easily."

Microsoft=Momentum, I need to get on the train or get out of the way.

The bandages come off tomorrow

Pace has been in a lot of pain for the last couple of week and a half. Saturday was the first time that the pain was less than the day before.

Today was another tough day. I think part of it is the bandage comes off tomorrow and Pace will see for the first time the results of her surgery.

I'd find it tough. There will be stitches and cuts where the drains were and her chest is going look different than the one she's had for a lifetime. The docs have said they'd make the scars as low on the breast as they can, but they didn't say she'd have no scars.

Pace will have no nipples. Turns out they're made of breast tissue as well, duh! Dr. Rami told us of times that they transplanted the nipples to the thigh in order to save them for reattachment later once the plastic surgery had healed; some of these people developed breast cancer in the skin where they'd been temporarily located until retransplanted.

Reconstruction of the nipple is possible how they do it is facinating in a weird way. They either fold the skin back on itself or graft skin from somewhere else on the body if you want to see what it looks like follow this link and scroll down or there is the option of going for a tatooed nipple, that's one work of art that'd be tough to perform. 

A metaphor for strength and perserverance

Lyne's sister Anne-Marie gave Pace this Rose on Thursday the 17th. A week later it's still strong and Pace is inspired by it's hardiness.

Life can be longer than predicted even after you're cut and living with peoples expectations. Spirit and the will to live is both therapeutic and inspiring 

Recovery Day 5 - Meeting the plastic surgeon

We dashed for a 9:10am meeting with the plastic surgeon today. For a variety of reasons, 2 patients scheduled for 9:05, 2 for 9:10, my 10:00 conference call and miscommunication Pace finally saw Dr. Steve at 11:30.

Because she still has more than 30 ml per day of fluid in her drains they are leaving the bandge and the drains in place for another week. He also changed her prescription for pain management.

• She's healing well
• He's happy with the results
• The muscles and nerves he cut in Pace's sides are the source of the bruising on her hips
• The sensations she's having will deminish over time
• Dr. Rami's proceedure's took longer than predicted
• Although it was the best for Pace's circumstances, he's not a fan of the proceedure (masectomy, lymph dissection & reconstruction)

Pace is getting silicone gel implants. Yes, they are back, for the moment under heavy government approvals on a case-by-case basis. They are said to be a more real feel. At the moment touching her chest is not advisable.

The implants are made by McGhan Medical, which it turns out is a part of Allergan the makers of Botox. Allergan's Stock Quote indicates business is good.

Pace goes back next week to get the bandages off.

Double Mastectomy, Lymph Node Dissection and Reconstruction

Pace's surgery was 6.25 hours on the table and here's what they did.

Double Mastectomy
In the matter of a week, after six months of chemotherapy, pace went from a lumpectomy to a double masectomy. They essentially removed her nipples, then opened up the breasts from the bottom and scraped out the breast tissue. The ideal is that they get it all out so there is no more breast tissue for brest cancer to develop in. This proceedure is recommended for women with both a personal and family history of breast cancer, which is Pace's case.


Sentinel and Auxillary Lymph Node Dissection;
In order to get the cancer that had spread to her lymph system they checked her sentinel nodes, they were positive and so they removed those and continued to test and remove both affected and potentially affected auxillary lymph nodes under her arm. We have to be careful from this time forward becase if she hurts that arm there is no way for the body to drain the fluids it sends to repair our bumps bruises and cuts. This is called lymphedema and being prepared to deal with it will be a part of our new normal.

Breast Reconstruction
I understand the reconstruction was Latissimus Dorsi Flap. This takes its name from the back muscle that lies below the shoulder and behind the armpit. They basically create a sling to hold the implant in place.

The assistant surgeon in the reconstructive surgery unit said that Pace had good muscles for this. However, they did slice up her back muscles and that hurts.

Pace is in progressively more pain every day since the operation. The first prescription of Tritec was nowhere near satisfactory for pain management. It's frustrating to see her hurting and not be able to do anything more than be there, moisturizing her back and taking care of the wee one so she can sleep.

And she is getting sleep. Sleep heals!

Drains and pooling

Following the operation the blood and lymph have to fond somewhere to go. That's the reasons for the drains.

Pace is looking forward to when she can sleep in other positions than on her back.

We were worried about swelling, pooling and bruising in the second photo. The reconstructive surgeon said this is a result of the incisions to her back and side muscles.

Reconstructive surgery is definately not pretty. 

Recovery Day 4 - Home Again

Pace was released from the hospital this afternoon.

In my mind this is stupid as they release her at 3:00pm, we have to battle rush hour home and hope the pain killers suffice; if you've ever had a car ride soon after an operation you'll know what I'm talking about. The we have to go back to the hospital again tomorrow for 9:00am to get the bandages removed.

Les Jardins Botanique d’Hôtel Dieu

Last night one of the nurses called Pace’s room “The Botanical Gardens of God's Hotel.” It’s 5 arrangements all gorgeous and helping to raise Pace’s spirits.

Thank you to Mom and Dad, Lynn, Hélène, Pierre and Francine for making an otherwise institutional room more relaxing.

A special thanks to Bill and Agnes, we’re thankful for the support and effort. Pace was delighted by the bouquet of pink roses and impressed you found her within 24 hours of arriving at the hospital when you’re 3,000 miles away.

Surgery Recovery , Day 1

As we said our prayers before going to bed last night the wee one told me “le bo-bo à Maman est allé au ciel.” (Maman’s illness has gone to heaven, or the sky)


The wee one was up at 7:30 this morning so I was up too, but only half awake. I called the nurse to ask about Pace. The nurse said that she had a good night considering the pain she’s in. However she had a reaction to the morphine and so they had changed to a different injectable pain killer.

When I talked to her Pace about 10:30 was feeling lonely wanted me to come immediately to the hospital to be with her, and I was not in a position to help her out. The wee one knew something is up, and hung on me as if I’d disappear if she let go.

About noon I tried to get her to the babysitter. Oh my goodness, my daughter is a drama queen! The tears and the screaming “Popa nooooooooo, I want to be with youuuuuu! I want to see Maman?!” Then Pierre called, he’s Pace’s Mom’s boyfriend, and we made arrangements for him to drop off Francine, visit with Pace then come trade places for the babysitting the wee one. He got here at 3:00.

Traffic was brutal. It took over 2 hours for a trip that’s usually max 30 minutes.

As I walked into Pace’s room she seemed immediately relieved. Turns out she knew when I had left Oka and was concerned something had happened to me. She was anxious enough that the nurse gave her a pill to calm her down.

Suffice it to say Pace is feeling a little fragile at the moment.

I kissed the 8 points of her face, rubbed her peach fuzz, buzz cut and held her hand. It was a brief yet emotionally deep moment for the both of us.

She told me that they have switched pain killers again, this time to something ingestible. The fragile state of her veins as a result of the chemotherapy is reducing the therapeutic options for her recovery. Most importantly she is sleeping, that’s the best medicine for healing.

Pace asked me to thank all of you for the positive energy and prayers that everyone sent her way. One measure of life’s wealth is friendship and the empathy of others; in that respect, by the grace of all of you, we feel like multi-millionaires.

2 short nights, 2 long days: Getting to the operation

Wednesday August 16
about 4:00 am finally get to sleep
9:30 am arrive at work
5:30 pm leave work to drive to Montréal
7:00 pm pull over at the Trenton Rest Stop for a nap; I was ready to sleep at the wheel
8:30 pm wake up and drive off again
10:30 pm I had to pull off the road, to make a couple of calls stretch and look at the stars, I could see the Milky Way, big dipper little dipper, Pegasus (and Sagetarius I think)
10:32 pm a shooting star lights up the sky, I made a wish

Thursday August 17
1:30 am arrive in Oka
5:50 am alarm sounds, in a fog I hit the snooze button, Pace doesn't get up either
6:30 am: lots of running around and expletives
7:30 am: Rush Hour Traffic Jam
7:45 am: We arrive at the hospital
11:00 am: I kiss Pace goodbye as she goes to surgery
11:30 am: Surgery starts
12:30 pm: I nap in the car
3:00 pm: I get the room number and move Pace's stuff in
5:45 pm: Surgery ends 6.25 hours later
5:45 pm - 9:00pm: I hang out in the hospital room waiting for Pace or the Doctor
9:00 pm: The nurse tells me all is well and the operation was conducted as planned
9:15 pm: I have to leave to pick up the wee one from the baby sitter
11:00 pm: I call the nurses station and they tell me she is in a lot of pain but on a morphine drip and sleeping
Sometime after 11:00pm I fall into a deep sleep.

I'm thankful that we are into the second stage of healing!

Notes on tomorrow's operation

We've got confirmation that Pace is the first patient tomorrow for surgery. So hopefully as of this time tomorrow Pace will have completed the second leg of the cancer triathlon. (Chemotherapy, Surgery, Radiotherapy).

She'll be Hôtel Dieu in Montréal.

I drive up tonight after work, we get to the hospital for 7:00am she should be on the table by 10:00 at the latest and then it's a four hour proceedure. Dr. Rami will be performing a double mascetomy and stripping out the lymph nodes on her right side. Then Dr. George steps in and will perform stage one of the breast reconstruction.

Please say a special prayer for Pace tonight.

Breast Reconstruction

Breast Reconstruction is what they call the cosmetic surgery following a masectomy. Many women want the proceedure as breasts are a definition of femininity. Our culture is breast obsessed, albeit in a dysfunctional and twisted way. For some it's not polite or considerate to breast feed in public, while breasts, partly concealed in a little black dress is considered chic.

When Pace asked me what I thought about the reconstruction, I suggested that maybe she go for one size bigger and get a "C" cup. (Note to the guys, if your girl asks this question, she proably doesn't want an answer.) Her retort can only be catagorized as quid-pro-quo.

Dr. Rami said that 100% of the husbands say the same thing and that given her frame and mass, Pace's breasts we already on the large size. plus they have to remove some skin and the nipples in the operation so "going big" is not recommended.

Sigh...

Sunday July 24th 1988

As I was winding down for sleep last night I picked up one of my old journals, it's a black leather, blue paper, 8.5"x5.5" and embossed with golden initials of my Grandfather and I. In a finger of God moment, the notebook the fell open to this entry.

July 24, 1988

I watched my namesake dying today
And saw the pain he pays in spades
cloud over his tired, sky blue eyes.

Frustrated with one way communication
and gesturing for the things he needs
All he can do is listen and nod
To my emotionally strained monologue

He lies there holding my hands
Fading in and out of sedation
The man who never showed me weakness
Not wanting to let go of my hand

God the father, God the son and God the Holy Ghost
How does his pain fit into your plan?
When a man no longer has his pride
When he can not move
from his hosiptal bed to a chair unaided

When nurses cheerily suction blood
out from his thorat
Jokingly telling him to "pee in there"
And another nurse later
rummages the vacuum
through the hole in his throat
His eyes full of panic and tears of pain
She cleans up around the tube
He collapses back into his pillows
Sedated beyond the point required
He's the man I love, but he's not the same
I wonder how strange is his percieved world
What he feels and sees

Courage wells up from my soul
As I think of my strength and health
I wish I could find some dignity in this
But my prayers go unanswered
and my soul rings empty

My Grandfather died four days later.

An Eventful Montreal Turnaround

Couldn't sleep Thursday night, maybe 3 hours and work was a whirlwind of activity.
Got home, packed and ate to avoid rush hour, then drove to Montreal getting in about 1:30am.

Saturday was another busy one. Pace wasn't feeling well she's getting back pain and chalking it up to stress. Then there's the whole emotional experience of being back in Oka waiting for Surgery.

So the wee one and I went grocery shopping. Oh the joys of potty training, three separate trips to the toilet. She missed her nap and alternated back and for between laughing and acting out like a pint-sized Jeckyll and Hyde.

We spent a wonderful evening at Susan's. It was her annual bbq and she had originally shifted around the dates due to Pace's surgery. I caught up with a couple of old colleagues and spent time swimming with and chasing after Vianne. Susan suggested we crash there, which was a good idea considering we were seeing Pace's dad in the same area the next day. The wee one and I crashed at 10:00 (whatever happened to Bob the party machine?) Pace and Susan stayed up till 2:30. The wee one was up at 7:30 per usual. Ouch!

It was a little difficult to see Pace's dad. Tracheotomies weird me out and bring up bad memories. My Grandfather Keith never wanted medical heroic measures used to keep him alive. I still get visions of my once strong Grandfather confused, frustrated, angry as hell and unable to talk after my Dad and Aunt allowed the doctors to cut open his windpipe to keep him from choking to death. Seeing him in pain was stomach turning as the nurses vacuumed the red blood and, on the afternoon he died, brown masses of cells of something out of the hole in his throat. I elieve the tracheotomy took away his dignity and subsequently will to live.

Gilles, is 20 years younger than my Grandfather was. Although it was evident he is sick, he definately had his game face on. If not for the hole in his throat you'd think he was doing fine. Just the same way some people think that Pace is making a fashion statement with the bald/buzz-cut look.

As we were leaving the wee one gave him a kiss on both cheeks and sang her cheerful "buh-bye." His face lit up happiness. Once again the wee one leaves a wake of good humor.

I caught the 7:35 ferry and got back home at 1:00 am this morning. 7 o'clock came far too early.

News about Pace's Dad

We got a call today telling us that Pace's Dad has advanced throat cancer, he's only 63. He can't talk anymore because he required a tracheotomy. The cancer has gone into Metastasis. It's been found in his lungs and he's starting to have unexplained headaches; cancer spreading to the brain is fairly common and headaches are an indicator.

We'll be making the trip in a week to pay our respects. I don;t know what to say or do, Pace is getting it from all angles.

This last 12 months has been to quote Liz Windsor the "Annus horribilis" for Pace's family when it comes to cancer: her dad, her aunt, and her cousin.

Good times, longtime friends and looking to the future

This long weekend we were able to catch up with long time friends, Jackie and her family was in town from Vancouver and Liz from New York.

It was a great afternoon. We feel blessed to have friendships where months can go by between contact and things pick up again as if it was only yesterday we last got together.

The kids played together, we talked and laughed, it was a really good time.

Pace and I talked this morning and given our current circumstances we're both a bit envious of their stability. Its facile I know, and so much easier to look at our friends' greener grass.

We'll be finished most of this by the end of December and by that time we will be living a new chapter in our lives. 

Home for a rest

The only news we got was that we're looking at a delay for the surgery until the 17th of August. So Pace and the wee one came back to Toronto with me.

It's nice and also different to spend time together as a family. I can't say that finding a rythem again is a easy, but I'm glad to have my family back again!

Private vs. Public Health Care and $99,680.00

In the realm of American style health care, operations are revenue generating and are rarely cancelled, in our Canadian system operations are costs that need to be contained.

I am grateful that Pace benefits from the universality of Canadian Health Care. It cost $8,000.00 per treatment of Abraxane and $920.00 per treatment of FEC, totaling $99,680.00 for Pace's chemotherapy drugs alone.

How product managers at any oncological pharmaceutical companies expect the middle class to keep up with these kind of bills is beyond me.

Homeopathic Weapons In the Fight against Cancer

The medicinal properties of Phellinus linteus in treating illnesses have been well known in oriental medicine since ancient times. An old Korean saying states that if you are able to find a yellow lump that grows on a mulberry tree, then you can bring a dying person back to life.

Researchers based at the Boston University School of Medicine in the USA studied extracts of Phellinus linteus They tested its effects on prostate cancer cells and found that when it was combined with the common chemotherapy treatment doxorubicin it increased the number of prostate cancer cells killed by the drug.

I'd be interested in knowing if it had the same effect on Breast Cancer Cells. Phellinus linteus is available for purchase over the internet, albeit from Korea or Japan.

For more info...
Exotic Mushroom New Weapon In Cancer Fight - UK News Headlines