So I am listening to the radio today and this song , "I Run for Life" by Melissa Etheridge comes on. I've heard about it but never hunted it down. And while it great song, the poignancy of it's lyrics and a melody in the key of E force open the emotions and the memories. The only thing that this reminds me of is smelling a dentist's office and the sound of the drill...
"I Run for Life"
It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Every day that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast,
If you ask her why she is still running,
She'll tell you it makes her complete
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run life
It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin
And they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul
And now I'm still learning a lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for her soul
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run life
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her, remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers, running for more
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth, for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth, for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your daughter, your wife
For you and me my friend
I run for life
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for life
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Pace's Mom's Cancer prognosis and dealing with the emotional reprecussions
On Monday the 17th of September, the doctors told France that she has secondary bone and liver cancer.
It means that the cancer is not originating in the bone or the liver cells but is cancer that has spread from another part of her body. The doctors determined that she's had relapse and that cancer cells that have spread to her liver and that are growing on her bones are the same pathology as her breast cancer from 7 years ago.
Pace and I, and most obviously France and "the Rock" are most definitely going through the spectrum of emotions that come with catastrophic news; denial, anger, bargaining, depression; all with the hope of coming to acceptance.
As we battled Breast cancer with Pace I discovered the he trick is to know that you're going to go through a rage of negative feelings and keeping them in perspective is paramount to functioning normally. Emotional pain is a tough one especially if you can not forgive yourself or others. I try to understand why I feel a certain way, and if the emotional pain is due to any of my unresolved or unprocessed issues.
Still it feels like from out of the blue, we're into the fire.The doctors are mobilizing but the speed of the health system always seems glacial.The family is rallying as well. France we're here to fight this with you.
It means that the cancer is not originating in the bone or the liver cells but is cancer that has spread from another part of her body. The doctors determined that she's had relapse and that cancer cells that have spread to her liver and that are growing on her bones are the same pathology as her breast cancer from 7 years ago.
Pace and I, and most obviously France and "the Rock" are most definitely going through the spectrum of emotions that come with catastrophic news; denial, anger, bargaining, depression; all with the hope of coming to acceptance.
As we battled Breast cancer with Pace I discovered the he trick is to know that you're going to go through a rage of negative feelings and keeping them in perspective is paramount to functioning normally. Emotional pain is a tough one especially if you can not forgive yourself or others. I try to understand why I feel a certain way, and if the emotional pain is due to any of my unresolved or unprocessed issues.
Still it feels like from out of the blue, we're into the fire.The doctors are mobilizing but the speed of the health system always seems glacial.The family is rallying as well. France we're here to fight this with you.
Monday, September 17, 2007
6 weeks of normal is over
As you surmised from the previous post, we've picked ourselves up and reinvented ourselves in West Montreal. However, some things can not be bought or traded for, like a normal life.
Pace gave me the news of her mom France's biopsy results today.
The stains on her bones are breast cancer cells that have metastasised into the skeleton, eating the bone weakening the vertebra. The pelvic girdle is covered up to her ribcage, portions of her skull have been attacked and her right femur is covered as well.
The cells are stage 4; there is no stage five. I knew things were not good when the doctors delicately talk about long term, prospects but stepped around the issue of short term chances of survival. They talked about painkillers: Dilodyl, morphine patches, Tylenol and oh yeah you might want to consider palliative care for managing her pain. The palliative care comment drove the point home.
Pace went out and spent 80$ on a shopping therapy session. Even if she wanted to see a family therapist the waiting list is over a year long. Vianne played with the neighbours and Pace went to spend the day with her mother.
Pace gave me the news of her mom France's biopsy results today.
The stains on her bones are breast cancer cells that have metastasised into the skeleton, eating the bone weakening the vertebra. The pelvic girdle is covered up to her ribcage, portions of her skull have been attacked and her right femur is covered as well.
The cells are stage 4; there is no stage five. I knew things were not good when the doctors delicately talk about long term, prospects but stepped around the issue of short term chances of survival. They talked about painkillers: Dilodyl, morphine patches, Tylenol and oh yeah you might want to consider palliative care for managing her pain. The palliative care comment drove the point home.
Pace went out and spent 80$ on a shopping therapy session. Even if she wanted to see a family therapist the waiting list is over a year long. Vianne played with the neighbours and Pace went to spend the day with her mother.
Sunday, September 09, 2007
getting good news and building a new nest
During Pace's latest trip to the doctor he told her to stop worrying. They got the cancer out of her and that she should focus on raising a daughter and loving her husband. Yeah Pace, pour some sugar on me baby.Pace is getting aquainted to the new neighborhood and decorating our new home. I love my new job. A big portion of it is change management. It makes me laugh case change really doesn't phase me like it used to.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Canada's two tiered health system
Some Ontario hospitals Cancer are charging patients from $16,000 to $24,000 for a treatment of Abraxane in order to gain access to that and other new and effective cancer drugs that their oncologists recommend. Health Canada has approved these drugs but the provincial governments have not to avoid having to fund treatment. Many are currently under review in Ontario.
One of these drugs is Abraxane, that's the trial drug Pace received that shrunk her tumour from the size of a peach to the size of a pea. It was formerly used only to treat breast cancer in metastasis. It's now been found effective for local cancer as well. A course of treatment easily ranges into the tens of thousands of dollars. It is sometimes funded by hospitals but it is really a case-by-case basis.
In a country that professes standards of healthcare and access of healthcare for all, it is scary that the best drugs are available to those with generous insurance plans or people with the financial assets to drop tens of thousands on drugs and health care.
The only other option is to be a test subject, hope dodge the bullet of a rogue effect and see if the new drug is really that effective.
One of these drugs is Abraxane, that's the trial drug Pace received that shrunk her tumour from the size of a peach to the size of a pea. It was formerly used only to treat breast cancer in metastasis. It's now been found effective for local cancer as well. A course of treatment easily ranges into the tens of thousands of dollars. It is sometimes funded by hospitals but it is really a case-by-case basis.
In a country that professes standards of healthcare and access of healthcare for all, it is scary that the best drugs are available to those with generous insurance plans or people with the financial assets to drop tens of thousands on drugs and health care.
The only other option is to be a test subject, hope dodge the bullet of a rogue effect and see if the new drug is really that effective.
Thursday, September 06, 2007
What they did in the Bone Biopsy
Today France went to the hospital for a bone biopsy to help determine why she's been having bone pain, and to understand what the "dark spots" that showed up in the MRI scans are.
"They took two bone samples from her They basically use a drill like device and extracted samples 1.0 and a 1 .7 cm long and 0.1 cm in diameter. These are being sent to pathology to determine what is going on.
Pace, the wee one and France went out to dinner afterward and France said that it really didn't hurt that much.
"They took two bone samples from her They basically use a drill like device and extracted samples 1.0 and a 1 .7 cm long and 0.1 cm in diameter. These are being sent to pathology to determine what is going on.
Pace, the wee one and France went out to dinner afterward and France said that it really didn't hurt that much.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Pace's Mom France
France hasn't been feeling well.
She's been tired and lathargic. Then she was having problems breathing again. So off she went to the hospital. Yes, it was congestive heart failure again. Her lungs were pretty full with liquid. They drained her out and when she complained about the back pains she's been having the doctors decided to do an MRI too.
They said that her bones were "stained" and scheduled her to come in for a bone biopsy. I'm concerned but given the choice I'm praying for osteoporosis rather than another round of cancer.
She's been tired and lathargic. Then she was having problems breathing again. So off she went to the hospital. Yes, it was congestive heart failure again. Her lungs were pretty full with liquid. They drained her out and when she complained about the back pains she's been having the doctors decided to do an MRI too.
They said that her bones were "stained" and scheduled her to come in for a bone biopsy. I'm concerned but given the choice I'm praying for osteoporosis rather than another round of cancer.
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