Call me Kent!

Wether I like it or not I have to be a Superman to Pace and the wee one as we live through this.

I wish I still had the curl in the center of my hairline.

The Cerebral MRI

Pace and I were back down at Mount Sinai, and after a brief wait she was whisked into the clinic for 20 minutes of claustrophobia and magnetic resonance imaging. The technicians won't tell you anything, "You'll have to speak to your doctor." That's what they say.

The Medical Schedule

Pace's spirits are well and we are getting all the tests lined up. The next couple of weeks will spent getting imaged, tested and examined in Toronto and Montreal. This is a great country!

Nov. 25th: Cerebral MRI in Toronto
Dec. 5th: Breast MRI in Montreal
Dec. 8th: Consultation with Toronto Neurological team
Dec. 9th: Pre-admission tests in Montreal
Dec 14th: Consultation with Cancer Surgeon in Montreal to schedule surgery and chemotherapy
Dec 15th to mid January, the proposed window for surgery

The first cancer prognosis

I made my way to Montreal to be with Pace during her first visit with the cancer surgeon.

The biopsy has come back positive for cancer. Its ductal carcinoma, invasive, aggressive and about 2 cm across. It's currently a stage 2 cancer they think.

That means its cancer of the milk ducts, it's broken out of the milk ducts and into the surrounding tissue, it's growing fast but so far seems confined to thee breast.

Excuse me Doctor, what did that mean exactly?

Pace talked with the Doctors at the ambulatory clinic today as she was getting tests done on determining the source of her TIA. She told them about the Breast Cancer Diagnosis and they replied;

"You have to keep your Cerebral MRI appointment, the TIA could have been caused by Breast Cancer in your brain."
"So it's spread to my brain?"
"We won't know till after the MRI, but it is a possibility."

There's no way to describe my state but numb.

More bad news, but on the good side... I get more time to help Pace heal

I went to the hospital this morning to see my Mom. She was sleeping and I've never seen her look so frail. I sat beside her and prayed for about a half hour and then went back to work

I had been back about an hour when our President called an all hands meeting. He told us about the company's financial problems. We all knew about them but I figured we still had some liquidity. Turns out we didn't. The Prez addressed us and did a clockwise tour of the table telling 15 of the 19 of us that we were to be "temporarily" laid off. It was a mighty sad moment. I felt like I'd just been through Survivor's "tribal council."

I got a Strongbow at the pub downstairs. Then went home to tell Pace.

Pace took the news of being the company closing down pretty well; while settlements are still forthcoming, we have a bigger fish to fry. I'm glad I took my Dad's advice to keep 3 months of expenses in a readily accessible financial product.

Except that if that chemotherapy usually lasts 3 to 6 months.

I just can't let my mind start working through the possible scenarios and outcomes.

More bad news, this time it's Mom.

Pace and I were walking around the house talking about the ambulatory clinic schedule and the doctor's prognosis when my cell phone rang.

"Bob, call me when you get home." Says Dad.
"What's up dad?"
"I just want to be sure you're all in safely. Call me tonight o.k."
"O.K."

About 8 hours later we were back in Toronto and I was spent from 6 hours of driving. I called my Dad right away."

Dad pretty much dispensed with the pleasantries and told me my mother had suffered a serious heart attack on Saturday. He told me she was at St. Joes but weak. I told him I'd check on her during my lunch as the Agency I work at was close to the hospital.

"What next?" I thought and immediately told myself to shut up and stop attracting trouble.

The Remembrance Day I’d rather forget

I was driving to Montreal to pick up my wife and daughter from the in-laws when Pace called.
She told me she'd been at the Hospital and saw the surgeon who performed a biopsy on the lump in her breast. Just from his examination and 40 years of experience he was over 90% sure it was not a cyst but Breast Cancer. She was composed, per usual, but shocked and rocked.

Even though I pulled the car over, loaded up the CD player with my 6 favorite CDs, played them loud and sang along loud all the way to Montreal. My voice was ragged when I got there but I'd been partially able to drown out the voices in my head, the ones playing out all the worst case scenarios. Still, that was the longest drive of my life.

When I saw Pace tonight I gave her a kiss and let her cry on my shoulder and stayed strong.

Sideswiped on a Wednesday night

Tonight I finished up my last class at the University for this term and most of the class went out for a celebratory drink. It was a great night and I was in a great mood.

I got home and called Pace to say good-night, before she hung up she started to say something and then said forget it. I knew something was up and it sure didn't have the tone saying "I'm pregnant!"

I figured it was bad news about her friend Helen's condition.
"What's up?" I asked
"I've got a lump in my breast."
She said it was totally different than anything she'd ever felt before.

Pace's Mom recovered from Breast Cancer 3 years ago so I told Pace to talk to her Mom and get her advice. Still, her mom was 54, Pace is only 41.

I'm feeling totally sideswiped and I slept maybe 3 hours last night. She's too young for this!

TIA - Transient Ischemic Attack

The doctors said Pace could have had a transient ischemic attack (TIA). A TIA is a type of "minor" stroke that lasts only a few minutes. And while Pace has many of the symptoms, she's outside the usual clinical age range for this.

• If you have a TIA there is 33% chance to never have another one
• Another 33% chance you will have them repeatedly
• The last 33% chance is that the TIA is an indicator of an impending full blown stroke

A God fearing interuption

The last three days have thrown my life upside down. Here's how it started...

We moved into our new home a week ago and the place was already 90% together. Pace, like most women I know, doesn't like the look of a box filled bachelor pad. So we'd been working hard to whip the place into "home." Pace's Mom, France, had come down to give us a hand. Seeing as she reorganizes our place every time she comes for a visit anyways; I figure why not let her get it right the first time we do it!

It was going on 7:30 in the evening and we had not eaten since lunch. I'd made and served a pasta chicken pesto. It was getting cold and I was having trouble trying to corral Pace, the wee one and France to the table. It's funny how I remember it was rotini.

"Pace! What are you doing?" I called.
"I coming" she says.

A couple of minutes pass and I call again.
"Pace! What are you doing?"
As she comes around the corner, she started falling and the grabbed the door frame for support. She would have gone straight to the floor.

"Babe? You O.K?" feeling my stomach start to knot.
"I don't feel well" she replied and started to cry.
"Sit down sweets, maybe your blood sugar is down."

France was asking Pace what was wrong as she sat down and I got a glass of orange juice.
The juice didn't help.

Then she said started to look anxious and stammered out."Babe, I can't feel my left side. I can't feel my leg. What's wrong with me?"

The next 15 minutes was one of those "slow motion" moments where you try to keep you head screwed on properly as your life is suddenly careening out of control.

I called Tele-Health on the phone and described the situation, the nurse asked to talk to Pace for a couple of minutes. Pace hung up the phone and said an ambulance was coming.

Within five minutes of that call there were paramedics at the door. I asked France to take the wee one to her room so she didn't get traumatized by the paramedics working on Pace. It was also to keep her out from underfoot of the emergency crew. She's as curious as me.

They checked Pace out from head to toe and then the male paramedic took Pace's hands, held them out in front of her at shoulder height and told Pace to keep them there. Her right arm stayed put. The left arm drifted off to the side and back down till it was motionless beside her body. My brain was screaming "No! NO! NOOOO!!

My heart jumped into my mouth. I was really scared. We'd just been talking about how good it was to be having a new start and a new place. This is not a good example of a new start.

"No," I thought. "This can't be happening. There's no way I can manage getting Pace up and down the stairs, into the bath tub and all the other things if she's paralyzed."

My head was spinning. Then I started thinking about raising the wee one with Pace immobilized. Sure we'd manage, but...

The paramedics had her off to the hospital within minutes of that test. Pace couldn't walk properly, her gait was off and it was as though her left side couldn't support her. The paramedics half walked, half carried her to the ambulance.

"Oh God please don't let her be paralyzed." I prayed and set off in our car chasing the ambulance downtown.

When I caught up to them again at our "Jewish General" Pace was conscious but not mentally present. Turns out she'd had another episode in the ambulance. I stayed by her side and did my best to keep our minds on something else. She started to get back the feeling in her arms and legs.

Pace was admitted to emergency, given a CAT scan of the head and a cardiology test. Both came back clean. No brain damage. Thank God!

The doctor was ready to dismiss it as a "neurological event" and send us home. I told him about the paramedic's test, he paused and announced that he'd order some tests through the ambulatory clinic and sent us on our way.

Pace walked out of the hospital about 5 hours after it all began and and we drove home. It was surreal and hard to process.