Keeping Pace: A Breast Cancer Battle Guide for Guys

Then Reality TV Came a-Calling

2011-04-27T00:27:00.005-04:00

Pascale stared in a program called "Grin and Build It". A lot of people told us that we were great, I had a supporting role, it was an entertaining episode.

Here is a snippit. Hope you like it.

Another "Clean" Report

2010-02-11T13:58:00.003-05:00

Pace saw her onconogist yesterday and all of the results of the MRI, organ and bone, bloodwork and other scans are back from the labs. Everything is all clear.

She asked me if I had been worried
"No." I replied because we have been going through the sames testing process every 6 months for 3 years. I'd rather not borrow trouble.

There has also been nothing physically nor spiritually that was making me uneasy. However, I would be lying if I said that there is no post-traumatic stress response when I go to pick her up from the hospital and see her in a hospital gown. I compartmentalize the feeling but it is still there. I just don't think Pace needs to see it.

Just another example of our "normal".

A year already

2008-07-30T18:40:00.002-04:00

Time flies.

A year ago today I had one of my last suppers with Pace's Mom France.

It was a great evening, her birthday and my first day at a new job. She said her present was that I would be bringing Pace and the wee one back to Montréal.

Pace felt bad that she had not been there but her Mom said that her prayers were answered and that she was very happy that things are working out for the better.

We miss you France.

Robert

So the diagnosis is....

2008-05-31T00:27:00.005-04:00

Three abdominal pain episodes later, Pace finally went to the clinic on Monday. Three doctors look at her and decide she's having an appendicitis attack. So Pace calls me and I end up taking her to emergency.

It's not like I am living Zen moments and this is an isolated stressor. I'm in a five day countdown to the launch of a major IT initiative at work, I've got pending communications to get out and 50 people to get through training in 3 days. Then there's the mortgage negotiations...

Just to make life more interesting, Pace still does not have a Quebec Medicare card. It's been 9 months since the process started. While Pace could have been more proactive it is a case of Bureaucrats gone wild!

I have to leave Pace at the hospital and luckily the Godmother came over to baby-sit the wee one. The docs rule out a bladder infection but are stumped about the pains and decide to keep her overnight. A day later they are still puzzled so they discharge her!

So I call the Doctor back and ask him what I should tell the wee one to do if her Maman collapses from pain in the middle of the grocery store. He made an appointment for Pace to see an internalist. So while we do not have a diagnosis, the process continues just because of the sales philosophy if you don't ask for the sale you probably won't get it.

... and if it's not that call your oncologist

2008-05-15T00:46:00.004-04:00

Pace has been getting gut pains recently. Not the IBS that she's suffered from since I've known her. Something different in the lower right abdomen; I have to go lie down pain.

So she goes to our local health center who says... it’s probably not appendicitis but I recommend you get a test done for a urinary tract infection and if it's not that call your oncologist.

Few things set me off quite like the catch all diagnoses, that usually conclude with "cancer could be the answer" thrown in for good measure and malpractice insurance. I'd rather not borrow trouble, thanks all the same.

Unreasonable fear of the unexpected...

2008-05-10T00:56:00.006-04:00

Late this morning my cell phone started beeping at me that I had a message. I checked the call log and saw that it was my parents had called. Then as I get back to my desk there is a message on my voice mail, from an outside caller, from my parent’s number. I get worried by multiple pings.

My parents haven't called me at work for years unless it was serious. Given the pressure of my project at the moment I was bit apprehensive. Then again my parents’ calling me at work was always welcome but occasionally awkward.

At my first real software job after university Joanie our receptionist at QW Page would call over the intercom "Bob... It's your mother, line one!" The only thing that made that less embarrassing was when Joanie would announce. Peter Ross it's your therapist, line two... Thank God we're too conservative at my company for those kind of antics.

I know why I fear the worst. After all Pace, the wee one and I have been through I can rationalize my justifications. My head swims when my parents call me at work. It shouldn't, but it does.

As it turns out my parents were eating lunch and across the street and eight stories down there were some big CAT machines working on the road opposite their condo. Of the many machines Mom only knew the backhoe by name but it made me smile. Before she said goodbye she said "We miss you Bob."

I miss you too Mom and Dad.

Riding for cancer

2008-02-27T21:54:00.001-05:00

So here is something to look forward to. My friend Brian has been training for a ride to raise finds for cancer research. Considering the most exercise Brian and partake in is raising beers, this is a good thing.

He committed to getting in shape to complete this 200km ride. I really nver thought I'd hear aabout him going out cycling in -4C in February. Hey try it in -25 ya Ontario wuss.

I gotta praise his attitude. Brian says "I encourage you to donate now and not to wait. Your donation goes directly and immediately to the Princess Margaret, so sooner truly is better. Don’t worry, I’ll be doing the ride, and you get the added benefit of being able to harass me about how hard I’m training and whether you’re getting your money’s worth out of me."

He has a fundraising goal to $10,000. Brian is a guy who makes a difference.

Click here to visit Brian Bourne's personal page at the weblink below. If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Toronto2008?px=1510118&pg=personal&fr_id=1201&et=PQwCI9uqElDwaSRKyV1DkQ..&s_tafId=108982

Celebrating 65 Years of Life

2007-12-17T23:09:00.000-05:00

France will always be remembered by the people that knew her as a woman of love, strength and conviction.

Pace is understandably upset over her mothers death. France had beaten breast cancer for 7 years and it came back with a vengence. It's a scary thing.

France, we know that you are an angel riding along in Charlemans Wagon. God bless us all

"I Run for Life"

2007-09-22T12:13:00.000-04:00

So I am listening to the radio today and this song , "I Run for Life" by Melissa Etheridge comes on. I've heard about it but never hunted it down. And while it great song, the poignancy of it's lyrics and a melody in the key of E force open the emotions and the memories. The only thing that this reminds me of is smelling a dentist's office and the sound of the drill...

"I Run for Life"

It's been years since they told her about it
The darkness her body possessed
And the scars are still there in the mirror
Every day that she gets herself dressed
Though the pain is miles and miles behind her
And the fear is now a docile beast,
If you ask her why she is still running,
She'll tell you it makes her complete

I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run life

It's a blur since they told me about it
How the darkness had taken its toll
And they cut into my skin
And they cut into my body
But they will never get a piece of my soul

And now I'm still learning a lesson
To awake when I hear the call
And if you ask me why I am still running
I'll tell you I run for her soul

I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run life

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

And someday if they tell you about it
If the darkness knocks on your door
Remember her, remember me
We will be running as we have before
Running for answers, running for more

I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth, for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for hope, I run to feel
I run for the truth, for all that is real
I run for your mother, your sister, your daughter, your wife
For you and me my friend
I run for life

Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh

I run for your mother, your sister, your wife
I run for you and me my friend
I run for life

Pace's Mom's Cancer prognosis and dealing with the emotional reprecussions

2007-09-18T18:23:00.000-04:00

On Monday the 17th of September, the doctors told France that she has secondary bone and liver cancer.

It means that the cancer is not originating in the bone or the liver cells but is cancer that has spread from another part of her body. The doctors determined that she's had relapse and that cancer cells that have spread to her liver and that are growing on her bones are the same pathology as her breast cancer from 7 years ago.

Pace and I, and most obviously France and "the Rock" are most definitely going through the spectrum of emotions that come with catastrophic news; denial, anger, bargaining, depression; all with the hope of coming to acceptance.

As we battled Breast cancer with Pace I discovered the he trick is to know that you're going to go through a rage of negative feelings and keeping them in perspective is paramount to functioning normally. Emotional pain is a tough one especially if you can not forgive yourself or others. I try to understand why I feel a certain way, and if the emotional pain is due to any of my unresolved or unprocessed issues.

Still it feels like from out of the blue, we're into the fire.The doctors are mobilizing but the speed of the health system always seems glacial.The family is rallying as well. France we're here to fight this with you.

6 weeks of normal is over

2007-09-17T12:16:00.000-04:00

As you surmised from the previous post, we've picked ourselves up and reinvented ourselves in West Montreal. However, some things can not be bought or traded for, like a normal life.

Pace gave me the news of her mom France's biopsy results today.

The stains on her bones are breast cancer cells that have metastasised into the skeleton, eating the bone weakening the vertebra. The pelvic girdle is covered up to her ribcage, portions of her skull have been attacked and her right femur is covered as well.

The cells are stage 4; there is no stage five. I knew things were not good when the doctors delicately talk about long term, prospects but stepped around the issue of short term chances of survival. They talked about painkillers: Dilodyl, morphine patches, Tylenol and oh yeah you might want to consider palliative care for managing her pain. The palliative care comment drove the point home.

Pace went out and spent 80$ on a shopping therapy session. Even if she wanted to see a family therapist the waiting list is over a year long. Vianne played with the neighbours and Pace went to spend the day with her mother.

getting good news and building a new nest

2007-09-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

During Pace's latest trip to the doctor he told her to stop worrying. They got the cancer out of her and that she should focus on raising a daughter and loving her husband. Yeah Pace, pour some sugar on me baby.

Pace is getting aquainted to the new neighborhood and decorating our new home. I love my new job. A big portion of it is change management. It makes me laugh case change really doesn't phase me like it used to.

Canada's two tiered health system

2007-09-08T09:37:00.001-04:00

Some Ontario hospitals Cancer are charging patients from $16,000 to $24,000 for a treatment of Abraxane in order to gain access to that and other new and effective cancer drugs that their oncologists recommend. Health Canada has approved these drugs but the provincial governments have not to avoid having to fund treatment. Many are currently under review in Ontario.

One of these drugs is Abraxane, that's the trial drug Pace received that shrunk her tumour from the size of a peach to the size of a pea. It was formerly used only to treat breast cancer in metastasis. It's now been found effective for local cancer as well. A course of treatment easily ranges into the tens of thousands of dollars. It is sometimes funded by hospitals but it is really a case-by-case basis.

In a country that professes standards of healthcare and access of healthcare for all, it is scary that the best drugs are available to those with generous insurance plans or people with the financial assets to drop tens of thousands on drugs and health care.

The only other option is to be a test subject, hope dodge the bullet of a rogue effect and see if the new drug is really that effective.

What they did in the Bone Biopsy

2007-09-06T12:09:00.000-04:00

Today France went to the hospital for a bone biopsy to help determine why she's been having bone pain, and to understand what the "dark spots" that showed up in the MRI scans are.

"They took two bone samples from her They basically use a drill like device and extracted samples 1.0 and a 1 .7 cm long and 0.1 cm in diameter. These are being sent to pathology to determine what is going on.

Pace, the wee one and France went out to dinner afterward and France said that it really didn't hurt that much.

Pace's Mom France

2007-09-01T20:25:00.000-04:00

France hasn't been feeling well.

She's been tired and lathargic. Then she was having problems breathing again. So off she went to the hospital. Yes, it was congestive heart failure again. Her lungs were pretty full with liquid. They drained her out and when she complained about the back pains she's been having the doctors decided to do an MRI too.

They said that her bones were "stained" and scheduled her to come in for a bone biopsy. I'm concerned but given the choice I'm praying for osteoporosis rather than another round of cancer.

Charlemans Wagon

2007-07-17T18:08:00.001-04:00

Pace brought this story to my attention. It's by a man in Norway who'se partner faced Breast Cancer. It's well written.

Read it at World Conference on Breast Cancer Foundation (WCBCF) website. Then the accompanying picture of the big dipper will make sense. For me I've seen that constellation in a new way ever since.

It is by author and journalist JON MAGNUS of Norway (Email: jon.magnus@vg.no)

Design 4 a Difference

2007-07-11T23:59:00.000-04:00

This was an incredible evening.

George Brown College has a certificate in Sports Marketing and Event Planning; the first half of the course is theory and the second half requires organizing an event.

One of these students, Lisa Stuve, organized the event called Design 4 a Difference. I mentioned it in an earlier blog entry.

My folks, friends Jim and Louise as well as a couple of older staff came out. So that made us not quite the oldest people there.

Pascale's tee-shirt sold for $60.00. Only one sold for more at $75.00.

Kudos to Lisa, Jean Ledoux and Pace.

The Vitamin D Link

2007-06-22T09:48:00.000-04:00

Since what seems like forever we've been told to stay out of the sun, to avoid skin cancer. However it's also noted that people in northern climates have higher cancer rates which has been linked to a lack of Vitamin D from the sun.

Now a four-year study out of Creighton University in Nebraska found that women who regularly took vitamin D3 had a 60 per cent reduction in cancer infections compared to a group taking placebos.

This is not to say that we should be going back to tanning oil and sunbathing rather 10-15 minutes of sun on the face and hands three times a week is probably a good thing.

Now get outside and get some sun.

Follow up appointments

2007-06-13T09:40:00.000-04:00

Pace saw her oncologost yesterday and try as I might to distract myself, it was an anxiety filled day. My intuition screamed at me to call her about 8:30. Aprehensively I picked up the phone and called her. It turned out to be a classic case of having no control over a section of your life. Pace was touched that I was worried about her but this is a maintenance appointment at the dctor, no big deal.

Regardless, she had talked with Dr. Rami about her pains in the outside of her breast. He told her it was probably a buildup of scar tissue, of she wanted she should call the plastic surgeon. He has scheduled a series of tests including MRIs and mamograms to be sure all is well.

Pace asked about the potential for metastasis given the aount of women she has met recently that are dealing with cancer reappearing. Dr. Rami told her to that the surgery was successful, the chemo was effective, and she's going to see her little girl grow up. Cancer is behind you.

Whew!

Pace and Jean's Winning Design

2007-06-05T09:16:00.000-04:00

We were informed yesterday that Pace and Jean Ledoux, a family friend and graphic artist, have been selected as a top design and finalist in the Design 4 a Difference Contest. Jean contributed to and executed Pace's creative direction emphasizing hope and the metamorphosis of surviving Breast Cancer.

Design4ADifference is a T-shirt design contest and fundraiser to raise money for cancer research and patient care through the The Princess Margaret Hospital Foundation.

The Design4ADifference will be held on Wednesday July 11, 2007, from 7:00 to 10:00 pm at Namelings Gallery 147 Church Street, Toronto. Tickets are $10.00 at the door.

We'll be there, hope to see you there too!

Compiling and Publishing a Breast Cancer Resource for Men

2007-05-12T05:57:00.000-04:00

After going through this ordeal I wanted to compile a list of resources for Men trying to support their wives and keep the family working as well as successfully dealing with persona and professional lives.

I did not find a lot. So I decided to put one together on my own.

Interestingly enough, I am getting serious attention and interest from the support organizations but none from agents and publishers. One agent told me to make it big in the USA and then come back and talk to her about representation.

It's shameful how Canadian cultural institutions are so risk adverse that talent and creativity have to be validated abroad before it will get attention here.

One crazy hot flash!

2007-04-16T12:31:00.001-04:00

Last night I woke up at 1:00 in the morning overheated and covered in sweat. Not the cold, clammy uncomfortable kind, more sauna like except that rather than having hot air wick the sweat off me, the bed sheets are damp and my pjs are clinging to me.

The room was hot... so much so that I opened the window and checked the radiator to see if the bolier was going crazy. Nope, that wasn't the source. So I get a glass of water, go back to bed, and pull Pace close. Then it hits me. There's no problem with the boiler, I've got a furnace in my bed.

Oddly, while Pace was roasting she was barely sweating. I flipped the comforter off and eventually got back to sleep. I was told menopause was weird but I didn't think a hot flash could be that strong.

Wow! Talk about underestimating the power of a woman.

A excellent portal for cancer news

2007-04-14T00:31:00.000-04:00

Here's a great site that I discovered recently.

It has an obviously Canadian bent but the articles are informative, the stories of defeat heartmoving, and victory inspiring.

The "hope and fear" section is the most thought provoking to me.

Check it out! www.globeandmail.com/cancer

Pace's oophorectomy and menopause

2007-04-04T21:03:00.000-04:00

An oophorectomy or in plain English, removing the ovaries, has put Pace into the start of menopause.

It would be counterproductive to go the hormone therapy route. While hormone therapy would keep Pace like feeling herself, it would increase our chances of estrogen stimulated cancers. For most women menopause starts when a woman is about 51 and some doctors feel ovaries are a risk after that time.

Menopause causes a significant amount of changes for women. Pace is already exhibiting some of them and I've been warned that this is a 3 year process before the body stabilizes.

On the bright side, Pace will never have a period again so she won't have to deal with the irregular menstrual periods that accompany menopause. However, there is a grocery list of other physical manifestations of menopause specifically;

Hot flashes & night sweats
Fatigue, memory problems, irritability, and rapid changes in mood
Urinary symptoms Hot flashes & night sweats
Vaginal dryness, itching, or irritation causing painful sexual intercourse
Increased risk of urinary tract infection , more frequent urinate and possibly incontinence

The oncologists have mentioned that there are new drugs that target these symptoms. However, they are still not in clinical trials. Pace has volunteered to participate if they become available Me, I'm all for it.

A Homecoming

2007-03-30T16:57:00.000-04:00

Today the wee one and I went to the train station to pick up Pace. It's been a year and a half since the three of us were together under one roof and not under the specter of cancer. It's a homecoming, a family reunion and like waking up from a bad dream.

I was looking at Pace and she is a different person, and I'm not talking about the breast reconstruction, battle scars and now curly hair; even though she's finding her old dresses don't fit quite right through the chest. She's more focused and driven; plain and simple.

We re-introduced ourselves of the neighbors at the playground and Kim immediately remembered Pace. We talked about trying to find an acceptable day care facility and other mundane things. Everything felt new and "normal" at the same time.

Cancer found its way into the conversation as a friend of Kim's got breast cancer at 30 just before her wedding. Reminds me of a saying Marcus Spellar told me. "There was a man who complained because he had no shoes until he met a man who had no feet."

We ended up eating a lukewarm dinner as the wee one required attention just as I served the plates. Things are definitely settling back to normal.

Realizing What You're Made Of - An HBR article, March 2007

2007-03-19T15:37:00.000-04:00

As I was sitting in the new Terminal One waiting for my delayed flight, I the tile of an article caught my eye "Realizing What You're Made Of." it was a finger of God moment considering this topic has been running around in my mind recently. I mused about overcoming adversity in an earlier post this month. However, it was one of those moments... just when you think you've got it bad, you'll see someone's always got it worse.

The writer is the co-founder of management-consulting firm FrontierWorks. He tells his story of overcoming adversity. He suffered a sudden injury to his spinal cord which left him paralyzed from the waist down. Through perserverance, guidance, effort and elation that he turned a handicap into a new life.

And while Montreal was shrouded in airport closing fog I read a sidebar summarizing what he'd learned from this experience. It rang clear as a bell.

Adversity distorts reality, but crystallizes the truth
Loss amplifies the value of what remains
It's easier to create new dreams than cling to broken ones
You can't know what will happen tomorrow-and it's better that way
Your happiness is more important than righting injustices
You can't control what happens, just how you respond

The article is worth a read if you can find the time, order it here."Realizing What You're Made Of" by Glenn Mangurian

Overcoming adversity

2007-03-10T10:10:00.000-05:00

Overcoming adversity and these challenges will lead to accomplishing even greater things than Pace and I thought possible. It's awakening us to new possibilities and opportunities. We're communicating in ways we never have before. We are different people that we were before cancer struck and while that is challenging to our relationship, it's really no different than anyone else's relationship pressures. It's just that Keeping Pace has distorted time and accelerated changes in our outlooks on life.

A famous businessman once said: "You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."

Interestingly enough that is attributed to the founder of family entertainment, Walt Disney.

Pace's bones ache, and I feel like a wraith is muttering in my ear

2007-03-08T17:38:00.000-05:00

The radiologist told us that Pace will feel pain in her bones as a result of the radio, but to be sure to be aware of any change in the pain and alert the cancer surgeon. Sometimes knowing too much about cancer can cause the mind to turn inward and hear a wraith where there was none to begin with.

And the wraith says things like.

The thing that makes cancer deadly is when the cancerous cells migrate to other areas of the body
Different cancers have specific maps and preferred pathways to other areas of the body
Breast cancer cells often move to the bones.
The docs say while they actually seem to mutate into another form of cancer, its still breast cancer.
Breast Cancer also tends to spread to the lymphatic system, liver skin and brain

So I thank the wraith for the warning and get back to focusing on the concrete and the positive.

Researcher dispels Myth of Dioxins and Plastic Water Bottles

2007-03-06T03:22:00.000-05:00

In all good intentions my folks sent me an email that has been doing the rounds for a couple of years.
If you're going to use a microwave, it's always a good idea to use class rather than plastic. However, the hysteria of the email is unmitigated.

Below is the link to the clarification from John Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health.

Researcher dispels Myth of Dioxins and Plastic Water Bottles

If you are interested in the Urban Legand, here it is, it's a classic spammers chain mail, note the variation on "forward this to all your friends!"

CANCER UPDATE FROM JOHN HOPKINS HOSPITAL , U S - PLEASE READ

1. No plastic containers in microwave
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3. No plastic wrap in microwave.

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center as well.Dioxin chemicals cause cancer, especially breast cancer.Dioxins are highly poisonous to the cells of our bodies.

Don't freeze your plastic bottles with water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic.Recently, Dr. Edward Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Castle Hospital , was on a TV program to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad they are for us.

He said that we should not be heating our food in the microwave using plastic containers.This especially applies to foods that contain fat. He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics releases dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body.

Instead, he recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic containers for heating food. You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So such things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be removed from the container and heated in something else.Paper isn't bad but you don't know what is in the paper. It's just safer to use tempered glass, Corning Ware, etc.He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food restaurants moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is one of the reasons.
Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As the food is nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of the plastic wrap and drip into the food.Cover food with a paper towel instead.This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your life!

Good bye Ben LeBlanc, God Speed

2007-02-26T12:04:00.000-05:00

My memories of Ben LeBlanc are good ones and happy. He's Pace's paternal grandfather and he died Friday at 97.

Pace and I were unable to make the service. Pace can't travel due to her surgery and logistics are against me; so France, Pierre and the wee one acted as our ambassadors.

Bye Bye Ben, you are loved by a great extended family.

Discharged and Discharges

2007-02-19T01:28:00.000-05:00

I brought Pace back to Oka this afternoon. In the same conversation the doctors talked about discharging her from the and about what to do about discharges of blood or from the scar. Sometimes a thesaurus would really help the bedside manner.

When we got in the door the wee one was ecstatic to see her again. Pace's staples are out and the so is the catheter. The doctors have told here to walk, go up stairs and in general exercise, just let pain be your guide. The pain killers are a serious mask but you can see when they kick in.

Pace has spent a lot of time sleeping, and that is a good thing, when you sleep you mend.

The wee one's flowers for "Mommy"

2007-02-18T04:35:00.000-05:00

We didn't want to take The Wee One to St. Luc Hospital too soon. It's hard to see your loved one at first delirious from anesthetics then in a fog of pain followed by the lucidity of the painkillers. Pierre and I thought it was good for her to understand what's happening to Mama before she came home. Yet for her sake, we'd waited till the hydromorphine lowered Pace's deep abdominal pain and internal suffering.

Ma petit fille got help at Marlyne's day care making the Valentines Day Bag, the blue flower was her choice at the flower shop with France and Pierre, The plush flower was from Intramiel along with a pot of propolis for her surgical scar. The wee one and I like to go there to look at the farm animals, play on the slides, get Raspberry Flower Honey; there is a real difference in taste and lastly look for the Queen Bee; she has a green dot on the middle of her thorax. There was a small group of worker bees who have stayed on, buzzing around the Queen keeping her warm. The wee one's doesn't quite get the metaphor yet but it does describe the help we've been getting for the last 16 months.

So the wee one's sat next to Pace on the hospital bed and didn't move from there. She talked about her life and that "Mommy" would get better, checked out the bandage and she talked some more. She even stuck up an conversation with Pace's room-mate Madame Ducat. She definitely an extroverted one she takes after the both of us role models.

I'm not allowed in the hospital

2007-02-17T01:05:00.000-05:00

I was woken up yesterday morning by the wee one wanting me to read her a Winne the Pooh books.

About 5 pages from the end I got this incredible call from mother nature. I struggled to finish the story and bolted to the bathroom. There is truth to the cliché that if you want to get sick go to the hospital. The documentation on hospital borne gastro infections like C difficile, are that they are highly contagious. However, if you are a normal helathy adult, with a strong immune system, it too will pass.

It lasted for two days and I embarked on an almost fanatical hygenic routine of hand washing and cleaning up after myself with Lysol, Purel, soap and water to reduce the risk of Pace getting this. Fortunaltly it worked, no one else has gotten it and I lost 10 pounds to boot. Pace feels that it's just stress and nerves; smile and nod yes Robert, just smile and nod yes.

Visitors from 2 to 4, yeah right

2007-02-15T23:40:00.000-05:00

I stayed at the hospital from 3:00pm till about 2:00 am, talking, telling Pace to rest and working on the laptop when she was asleep. It was like a movie or tv cliche. Driving back through the snow covered streets was a challenge.

Another Successful Operation! A great Valentine's Day present.

2007-02-14T00:02:00.000-05:00

Genevieve the resident gynecologist came by to see Pascale this morning and told her that as far as everyone was concerned, her hysterectomy was a success. Pascale has a small body and perfect anatomy. She liked hearing that. However if I say the same thing it just doesn't have the same effect on her. Maybe even with a variety of change-ups to the same message repeated for 18 years just doesn't seem as fresh. Anyways...

The surgeons had been concerned that as they cut through the scar of her cesarean section that some of the underlying organs had been connected to the scar tissue. That's a very major health problem if the cut causes bacteria to leak from the intestines. Last thing you want is a fluid from the intestines getting into your abdominal cavity and causing Peritonitis.

When they did get her open, and had clamped back the skin, they were a bit concerned because her intestines were not completely empty. One of the risks of any operation is a slip of the scalpel that nicks an organ.

So they got the intestine moved out of the way and there was the uterus and the ovaries. Genevieve said the operation was so smooth that they should have had the students in to witness how easy this operation can be.

Pace is in intense pain and the hot flashes have started again.

However, we are one step closer to getting this all behind us.

Unwanted surprises on the day of the Operation

2007-02-13T22:41:00.000-05:00

I get to the hospital this morning with Pace's mom France to find the isolation sign back on the door; approval from the nurse, sanitary blouses and latex gloves required to enter the room. It took every moral fiber to keep my emotions from going thermo-nuclear. Even then I know that my frustration was visibly evident.

The nurse told me not to worry. They still did not have final confirming results from the tests but so far the tests are negative. "It's preventative and there's probably nothing to worry about."
"And would you want your husband hospitalized in the same room with people infected with c difficile?" I asked.
"That's not fair and it's more complicated than that." She replied.
"Sorry, but it feels like you're gambling that all will be well." I observed
"We're taking all of the necessary precautions." She insisted and then added. "Make sure you wear the sanitary gown and gloves."
I bit my tongue to keep from saying something I'd regret and causing resentment towards Pace.

The operation was to take 2.5 hours in total. The operation itself is an hour; the other time is getting her set up and into the recovery room.

Pace was told she'd go down for her operation at 11:15am. We got no news until they finally came for her at 2:00pm.

It's disconcerting because we know from experience that the operation would be cancelled if the doctors weren't able to be finish and be out of the operating theatre by 4:00pm, unless there were complications of course...

Fortunately there were no complications, the nurse said Dr. Ouellette was happy and Pace was back in the room for 6:00. France and I sat with her as she drifted in and out of consciousness. She's in a lot of pain and wants the pain killers but she's got a blood pressure sensitivity to morphine and she doesn't like the "drugged out" sensation of Dilaudid, which is also a morphine based pharmaceutical but has not got the same side effects.

As the nurse said "which do you prefer, the pain or the pain killer?"

France and I left Pace at about 9:30.

The drama is exhausting.

Pre-operative events

2007-02-12T11:08:00.000-05:00

Pace got prodded and tested again from 7:00 am till 1:30pm with pre-operative tests. Everything seems like it is a go for the operation.

I took Pace out for a dim sum late lunch. It was the first time in a while that we've been alone and we spent some time talking about what we'd like to focus on once we get the other side of this operation. We just enjoyed each other's company.

We got back to Hopital St-Luc for Pace's 6:30 check-in. As we get to her room there is a sign on the door not to enter without talking to the nursing station first. At the station they tell us that there was a suspicion that the other woman in the room had contracted "C. difficile" and that her tests had come back negative. So I got Pace set up in her room, made sure she was comfortable with everything she neeeded and went to la maison to spend some time with the wee one.

As I was reading the wee one her bedtime story I fell asleep twice, dropping the book on her. "Popa! what are you doooing?"
"Sorry, unh, where were we?" and I continued reading

I woke up 11 hours later feeling still tired but peaceful and the wee one was still in the crook of my arm.

Winter Driving on the 401 and the Ottawa River Ice Bridge

2007-02-11T21:35:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you just have to drive and deal with old man winter when you don't want to.

Pace has tests tomorrow (Monday) morning, and she'd recovered from her gastro Sunday AM. So off we went. I didn't bother to check weather conditions in Ontario or Quebec cause all it was going to do was going to do was make the drive more stressful.

We had blizzard conditions for an hour and a half from from Oshawa to Napanee. Then again from Prescott to Cornwall.

Luckily the ice bridge over the Ottawa river is open. The ice has to be 1 foot thick before they open it, it's faster than the ferry, it cuts about 45 minutes off of the trip and We could have visted jean-Louis at his ice fishing hut.

Monday Morning After Superbowl.

2007-02-10T13:47:00.000-05:00

Well Grossman has now earned his reputation as a "choke." I admit the Bears were outplayed on offense, whatever, I just like Soldiers Field and just about everything else about Chicago way more than Indianapolis.

Pace had a great time. Thank-you Todd and Nancy for the hospitality and the cool clothes for the wee one.

We're a week away from admitance to the hospital and it was a welcome release from the last minute jitters and pre operation emotional stress.

Gastro and Pre Operation Angst

2007-02-10T11:47:00.000-05:00

So Perry told me that I should be nominated for the Father of the Year award this week. I've been cranking out the work for contracts, long days and short nights.

I got 3 hours sleep on Tuesday, so finally getting to bed at 11:00 on Wed was a slog. At 12:30 Vianne woke up screaming and vomiting and kept it up till 6:00. Thursday night was a repeat engagement. Last night Pace said she wasn't feeling well and going to bed. About 1:00am Pace enacted Gastro, the sequal. She's up most of last night. The wee one got up at 6:00
"I'm hungry"
She obviously is not sick any more.

We were supposed to leave for Montreal today as Pace has to check into St. Luc for pre operation tests on Monday and her operation on Tuesday.

So we're going tomorrow.

Pace is a little freaked, she wanted to have a little time to relax in Oka park before going to the hospital. She's worried about this operation and it's manifesting itself through nightmares and anxiety. Things like the Operating Room covered in blood and she's having an out of body experience.

You listen, you reassure, and you give hugs and kisses. This is not a time for statistics and platitudes.

Go Bears!

2007-02-03T20:27:00.000-05:00

Once great thing about the Super Bowl is the way we can get families together have fun and forget about cancer for a while.

Yeah the boys sidebar to tell me that Pace and I are almost through it, the girls tell me Pace is looking great and how inspirational we are but it's overshadowed by the game.

Right now the distraction's what we really need.

The Colts are favored to win by 7 points. For the last 3 superbowls the game has been decided by only 3 points. Urban legend says Superbowls are usually blowouts. I have a feeling we may be looking at another one tomorrow.

Oh yeah, the Colts suck!

Hysterectomy with Salpingo-oophorectomy

2007-02-03T12:25:00.000-05:00

Pace's next operation is a hysterectomy with salpingo-oophorectomy, or rather removal of the uterus, cervix, ovaries and fallopian tubes. It will significantly reduce her chances of having other BCRA1 related cancers.

Some opinions are that you should only have the operation if you have been diagnosed with an urgent medical situation. BRCA1 is an immediately important medical challenge for us. The decision to proceed with the procedure was not a light one. The three top conditions the operation causes are:

menopause
early osteoporosis
elevated risk of heart disease

Another thing is that we won't be able to have any more children unless we adopt, which our friends Jacques and Heather have successfully done, which is a possibility.

The other option is we enter the ambiguous realm of surrogate motherhood egg extraction and cryogenic oocyte (egg) preservation. Umm... no!

The Cancer Angle in the Argument for Stem Cell Research

2007-02-01T22:08:00.000-05:00

A lot of people that have been through the cancer triathlon believe that chemotherapy will be considered as barbaric to our grandchildren as blood-letting is to us.

Chemotherapy targets all cells and maybe we should only be targeting a few cells instead. The Cancer Stem Cell Hypothesis has been around since the 1950s but it has been considered a fringe idea.

Healthy stem cells can give rise to any tissue found in the body and thus provide nearly limitless potential for regenerative medical applications.

Now there is proof that blood cancers, brain and breast tumors are made up of two types of cancer cells. A small percentage of the tumor are cancerous stem cells that generate the multiple cells that actually make up the larger mass. So the real problem in breast cancer is cancer stem cells

Stem cell research is definitely controversial and a potential ethical dilemma. However, if research can help us to single out and destroy the stem cells that cause cancer; I vote for stem cell research.

A risk we can't mitigate, cancer of the Peritoneum

2007-01-30T21:09:00.000-05:00

One of the other types of cancer that are related to the BRCA1 gene is Cancer of the Peritoneum. It turns out this is a relatively new discovery.

The gynecologist told us that ovarian cancer is now widely recognized as hereditary. As with just about every other cancer that I've encountered on this "sabbatical," it's not one specific genetic sequence that causes cancer there are potentially many triggers.

Prophylactic oophorectomy, doctor jargon for getting a preventative removal of the ovaries is used for women judged to have a 50% risk for this disease. However, recent evidence has disclosed that a fraction of the patients who underwent an oophorectomy and whose ovaries appeared normal when surgically removed, subsequently developed abdominal cancer with the laboratory finding the lesions to be indistinguishable from ovarian carcinoma.

This abdominal cancer is where the Peritoneum goes malignant. The peritoneum is the membrane sack lining the abdominal cavity which holds all of our organs in place. The doctor stresses the risk is small but as we've seen doctors behave before, we are told of all the things that can possibly go wrong.

Turns out the ovaries and the peritoneum come from the same stem cells and the final tissue of the two is pretty much identical. Who'd of thought that?

Every cloud has a silver lining

2007-01-27T08:59:00.000-05:00

As I was out for a walk in the snow I was thinking about all of our issues.

Then it hit me, the need for conversations about getting a vasectomy is over!

Over the years Pace and I had discussed the options; after we'd had a couple of kids she could get her tubes tied or I could have a vasectomy. There have been a spicy conversations about this subject with polarized opinions from various people.

"Why would you put your wife through such an invasive operation as getting her tubes tied?"
"Buddy, you get a vasectomy and you're not a man anymore!"
"Would you rather be a gelding or a stallion?"

So while a vasectomy is less invasive it still carries risks. Sperm takes 90 days to grow in the testes and it gets stored in the epididymis. While doctors think sperm can last up to 48 hours in the uterus and fallopian tubes they have no idea how long it lives in a man's body before ejaculation.

Vasectomies most commonly result in painful, swollen, and tender epididymis or testis in the first year after surgery. One might then think that sperm lives on for more than 48 hours...

In more extreme cases because the testis continues to produce sperm it eventually dies in the epididymis and now must be reabsorbed by the body. Some men develop anti-sperm antibodies which provoke immune system over-reactions like rheumatoid arthritis, juvenile diabetes, and multiple sclerosis.

Some studies suggest vasectomies increase the risk of prostrate cancer, others have shown no increase in risk. There is a theory but no proof.

Given everything we've been going through, it's nice to have one less worry.

So guys, would you get a vasectomy? Leave a comment!

Erin Brockovich

2007-01-21T11:58:00.000-05:00

When I came into the living room Pace was watching the movie Erin Brockovich.

It's relevant as Erin Brockovich triumphed over the odds, she proved herself, and reinvented her life. Pace has voiced an intention of helping out young women, especially young mothers with Breast Cancer.

There is a poignant scene where Erin is talking with Donna Jensen about her cancer diagnosis. Donna has to get a double masectomy and a hysterectomy. It went something like this.

Donna: "I've had so many cysts I never figured this one would be cancerous."
Erin: "We'll make sure you get well taken care of."
Donna's eyes start welling up with tears.
Donna: "Can I ask you something?"
Erin: "Anything."
Donna: "If I don't have breasts or a uterus anymore am I still a woman?"
Donna starts crying.
Erin reaches over and gently takes her hand
Erin: "Of course, you'll always be a woman. You just won't have to buy any more underwire or maxi-pads."
Donna and Erin both smile.

This mirrors an ongoing discussion Pace and I have had. More on that in another post.

Egg Whites killing cancer?

2007-01-15T11:45:00.000-05:00

Viragen, the company that brought us the cloned sheep Dolly has genetically manipulated chickens to produce cancer fighting antibodies inside of egg whites.

Even the antibodies are lab created, and due to the difficulty of manfuacturing they've found a way to grow the antibodies in chickens. It's so precise that the protien remains confined to the egg white.

More details in this article on Science Daily or Reuteurs.

$2.3 Billion in lost personal productivity annually

2007-01-12T10:26:00.000-05:00

The Journal of the National Cancer Institute just published a study estimating the cost of cancer for the patient in the first year of treatment alone.

Their methodology included adding up the hours spent sitting in doctors' waiting rooms, interviewing with doctors and researchers, waiting your turn for M.R.I.s, CT scans, attending chemotherapy sessions, radiotherapy sessions and other treatments. They estimate the collective cost of Cancer to individuals is around US$2.3 billion, that's over $3,000 per person.

They did not consider a second person coming along for support and care; based on our expenses, this study is a serious underestimate of cancer's financial cost to the family.

This estimate is only time spent in the health system; getting tests, operations etc. It doesn't count the days spent home in bed recovering from surgery or regaining strength from chemotherapy and radiotherapy regimens.

Dr. Len Lichtenfeld of the American Cancer Society summed it up poignantly "Cancer is more than the just the dollars and cents for the medicines and the treatments and the doctors. It's also the lost opportunities for the patients."

There's also day care for kids, transportation, parking, outrageously expensive prescriptions, and other unexpected expenses. The there's the way cancer puts careers on hold but more on that later.

Caregiver stress and hair color over 3 years

2007-01-11T16:56:00.000-05:00

I was looking through some of our pictures on the weekend and I came across these two.

Wow, it's amazing how the stress of Keeping Pace and our other trials of the last 3 years has stripped my hair color. That said, I have earned every one of these gray hairs.

My barber says I should strip them white this summer when I have a tan for a really striking look. Hmm. We'll have to see about that.

Decline in Horomonotherapy Prescriptions Results in Decline in Breast Cancer

2007-01-07T10:11:00.000-05:00

In one area the incidence of Breast Cancer has declined over the last 8 years. A clinical study running since 1974 demonstrates a corresponding decline in breast cancer when compared against the decline in hormone replacement therapy.

Annual Number of Prescriptions
for Female Hormonotherapy
2001 - 12.6 Million
2002 - 11.6 Million
2003 - 8.5 Million
2004 - 6.7 Million
2005 - 5.9 Million

The upper lines of the chart on the right illustrates in yearly rates the prevalence of estrogen-only and estrogen/progestin–containing hormone therapy use, the lower lines demonstrate the incidence of invasive breast cancer in members of the Kaiser Permanente Insurance Company group for Northern California (KPNC) members, the 13-county KPNC client study area, and the overall stats for the state of California, from 1994 to 2004.

The Oncologist is happy!

2007-01-03T11:49:00.000-05:00

Late in December we saw Dr. Rami and he told Pace that all seems well. She is healing well and the scarring is diminishing. He want's to see her every 3 months for a year and then every 6 months following.

He wanted to be sure that we were seeing the gynecological oncologist and that he strongly recommends that she gets her ovaries out. Pace told him she'd already decided on that.

He also told her to see the Plastic Surgeon as her right breast implant has changed, probably as a result of the radiation therapy or physical exertion.

From a standpoint of dealing with BRCA1, Pace has survived the Breast Cancer reaction. Now we move into the proactive stage to mitigate Pace's chances of having breast cancer again.

2 Breast Cancer Survivors and a generation of hope.

2006-12-28T14:11:00.000-05:00

Pace has beaten Breast Cancer and is taking proactive measures to eliminate the risks of the BRCA 1 genetic mutation to her health.

France has beaten Breast Cancer that is believed to be a long term effect of the radiotherapy she recieved to beat Hogkins Disease.

The wee one is a decendent of the Amazons. Fortunately by the time she's 20, medicine will be as different from today as it is in comparison to 1986.

Merry Christmas, God Bless Everyone!

2006-12-25T23:56:00.000-05:00

My best Christmas present this year: life.

Pace beat her Breast Cancer and we have a very good idea of the steps required to protect her from further incidences of Cancer.

Beats getting an iPod.

Love to all from Robert, Pace and the wee one.

God's blessings to all who've helped us on this trip and to any other families going through similar circumstances.

Great Advertising and Brand Reinforcement

2006-12-20T17:36:00.000-05:00

Working in Marketing I've seen good, bad and ugly advertising.

This ad hits all of the keys of a great ad. The message is aligned with the brand, its funny (or scary and funny depending on how you feel about your children playing with scissors) there's a twist that make it aspirational and its memorable.

Click this link to watch it on YouTube.com

Alert! Breast Cancer Hoax E-mail canular de cancer de sein

2006-12-13T23:59:00.000-05:00

With all good intentions, my good friend Craig forwarded a message his wife had recieved. Usually I ignore these types of emails but this is good food for the blog. (There have been a few questions due to translation issues, so let me stress that the following is text from a hoax/"canular" email.)

This comes from someone who works in the breast cancer unit at Mt. Sinai Hospital in Toronto, Dr. N. Neman.

Recently a lipstick brand, called "Red Earth", decreased their prices from $67 to $9.90. It contained lead. Lead is a chemical which causes cancer. The lipstick brands that contain lead are:
1. CHRISTIAN DIOR
2. LANCOME
3. CLINIQUE
4. Y.S.L
5. ESTEE LAUDER
6. SHISEIDO
7. RED EARTH (Lip Gloss)
8. CHANEL (Lip Conditioner)
9. MARKET AMERICA-MOTNES LIPSTICK.

The higher the lead content, the greater the chance of causing cancer. After doing a test on lipsticks, it was found that the Y.S.L. Lipstick contained the most amount of lead. Watch out for those lipsticks which are supposed to stay longer. If your lipstick stays longer, it is because of the higher content of lead. Here is the test you can do
yourself:
1. Put some lipstick on your hand.
2. Use a Gold ring to scratch on the lipstick.
3. If the lipstick color changes to black, then you know the lipstick contains lead.

Please send this information to all your girlfriends and female family members. This information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. Dioxin Carcinogens cause cancer, especially breast cancer.

Lead is dangerous compound that wreaks havoc in the nervous system and lead is a suspected carcinogen. However, Dioxin is a Human carcinogen.

I never understand why people write things like this but there are plenty of them out there; from the improbable Wal-Mart Contributes 5% of Sales to Homosexual Group to the strange Live Frog Found in Packaged Salad (but it's in the picture!) and there are so many more listed on sites dedicated to hoaxes and urban legends; you'll find more here and here.

If the message contains the phrase 'Forward this to everyone you know!' Don't do it please it's killing the economy.

Halo Effect Marketing of the Pink Ribbon

2006-12-12T21:53:00.000-05:00

I am happy to see that there are companies that are putting their corporate resources behind raising funds for research.

However, some of this "halo effect" marketing feels more like a symbol being co-opted for fast buck rather than an altruistic fund raising campaign.

Yoplait Source gives 10 cents from each $2.99 container to breast cancer research. That's less than 3% of the retail price.

So Good didn't even say how much they'd contributed to the cause, just that they support it.

I spent $2.95 at 7-11 for these Breast Cancer Awareness Mints 50% of after tax profit goes to research. I've seen a lot of companies whose expenses eliminate any pre-profits pre tax.

There is an urban legend that one of the oil companies said it would donate a penny a litre to Breast Cancer Research, the fine print reading only on the premium/super grade of gas.

More clarity would be in order.

My scarist genetical term: Autosomal Dominant Chromosomes

2006-12-09T12:22:00.000-05:00

In genetics, our DNA is made up of 23 pairs of chromosomes. An autosomal gene is on one of the 22 pairs of chromosomes that are not sex chromosomes. The implications of Dominant Autosomal Chromosomes means that only one parent has to have that specific genetic sequence to pass on a genetic condition.

In the case of BRCA1 and the wee one's future health; Pace had a 50% chance of passing that genetic mutation.

If the wee one carries the BRCA1 mutation her risk of developing breast or ovarian cancer in her lifetime is estimated to be 36-87%.

So do we test her? If she does carry that gene and we confirm it through genetic testing, her chance of getting insured is probably zero.

Would you get the test conducted if the wee one was your child?

Click the comment button below and tell me what you think.

Pace's Zoladex Side Effects

2006-12-03T02:19:00.000-05:00

The doctors tell you that side effects cannot be anticipated, some are common and some are not.

Pace had few side effects to the Abraxane but the Zoladex seems to be something else

The bold faced side effects are the ones we've encountered so far. We just need to keep the doctor informed.

A list of the more common side effects of Zoladex may include:

Acne, application site reactions, breast development in men or enlargement in women, breast tenderness or pain, change in sex-drive, depression, dizziness, emotional problems, flu symptoms, fluid retention and swelling, hair growth in women, headache, hot flashes, infection, insomnia, lethargy, loss of appetite, loss of breast tissue in women, lung problems, nausea, nervousness, pain, rash, sexual impairment, sore throat, sweating, urinary problems, vaginal dryness vaginal inflammation, voice changes, weak heart, weakness, weight gain

A list of the less common side effects of Zoladex may include:

Abnormal thinking, allergic reactions, anemia, anxiety, blood in the urine, bronchitis, bruising, chest pain, chills, constipation, coughing, diabetes, diarrhea, drowsiness, dry mouth, dry eyes or skin, fever, gout, heart attack, high blood pressure, increased appetite, indigestion and gas, internal bleeding, irregular or rapid heartbeat, itching, joint problems, leg cramps, nasal inflammation, osteoporosis, painful menstruation, stroke, tingling sensation, ulcers, vaginal bleeding, varicose veins, vision problems, vomiting

Imagine the length of the television ad to cover this grocery list.

Your appointment with the oncologist has been cancelled.

2006-11-29T23:22:00.000-05:00

So we were on the road again at about 2:30pm, destination Montreal for meetings with the oncologist, radiologist and the geneticists.

About 45 minutes into the ride Pace called her Mom to let her know we wouldn't be there for dinner. From Pace's reaction, I thought that someone close had died.

France, Pace's Mom, said the Ontological Gynecologist's secretary had called 5 minutes earlier and cancelled tomorrow morning's appointment. "You'll need to reschedule, he's out of the country... The next day I can schedule an appointment for you is February 1st at 8:30am.

Let's think about this. This appointment was booked at least six weeks ago and the doctor is "out of the country," and it will take another 3 months to see him. Either his secretary has an inefficient calendaring system or he never checks it.

Pace felt there was no reason to carry on so we turned the car around and headed back into the west to Toronto. Pace was very upset and somewhat discouraged. I was in an angry place and unable to do anything about it.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.

vicissitude: a good word for our lives

2006-11-22T21:00:00.000-05:00

I came across this word today when reading about what I am cooking up for Christmas. "... but during the visiccitudes of France, it's wars and so forth the recipe was lost."

The definition of "vicissitude": successive, alternating, or changing phases or conditions, as of life or fortune; ups and downs.

It sums up the fact that Pace, the wee one and I are still in for another 6 months of Doctors and operations before this is all over. Life changes states within all of the time: emotionally, spiritually, fiscally and physically.

Just as molecules of water can be vapor, solid or liquid. There's a time to live in different states of stress, excitement or agitation, the key is to maintain control during the transitions between states.

It's the $10 word of the week!

Reflecting on the last 12 months.

2006-11-18T13:41:00.000-05:00

I started blogging as a way to keep our friends and family up-to-date with events and information on Pace's progress in her breast cancer battle.

By extension, it became a place to store the flood of information, and tools I've waded through trying to understand this disease and it's treatment, as well as it's physical, emotional and fiscal challenges.

Along the way it become a way to vent the chronic stress linked hand-in-hand with cancer and the weird confluence of events we've experienced.

Pace and I are humbled by the support and the interest in our journey. We are looking forward to the day when we are no longer shadowed by the spectre of breast cancer.

Thanks for your thoughts, prayers and encouragement as we cross the valley of death. However, our journey is not over yet. Our next medical meeting, this time with the Surgeon specializing in Gynecological Cancers is on Nov. 30th.

Where on earth are you visiting this blog from?

2006-11-17T11:38:00.000-05:00

I never thought my blog would attracted an audience from every continent except Antarctica but it has. Google Web Analytics created the map below that shows where you, dear readers, are from. My inner geek thinks this is so cool.

If you're concerned about your privacy be assured, it only can tell what city you're from not who you are. Well, Craig I know that's you in Japan, but for the rest of you, it's all assumptions.

Thanks for visiting.

Chronic Stress for Cancer Survivors and Support Providers

2006-11-17T10:19:00.000-05:00

By all the indicators we've been living in a state of Chronic Stress for almost 3 years.

For fun I tried a stress test and scored 12 out of 23

It said "if you scored 6 or more: your stress levels could be better. "

It went on to say I need to maintain more balance in my life which requires lifestyle changes. Uh-huh...

Lifestyle changes are more work than momentary on demand stress relievers. Yes I know, 40 minutes a day of exercise definately more work than blending a couple of margaritas or shaking a martini but each has their merits.

Rather than take a stress test for fun take a fun stress test

How I keep a positive attitude

2006-11-14T09:20:00.000-05:00

When Teta, one of my colleagues, heard about Gilles death yesterday she asked me how I keep a positive attitude when coping with all these curve balls. I told her it's a combination of logic and creativity.

I've programmed my logical left brain with Newton's third law of physics; for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. All of the adversity we've fought will be counterbalanced by a time of peace.

On the creative right side of my brain I visualize that my glass is half full, of a graceful Pinot Noir, and the bottle is coming around again.

Allez en paix Gilles, Rest in Peace

2006-11-13T20:10:00.000-05:00

Pace got the news this morngin that at 63, her dad, Gilles, died at 8:30 on Saturday, November 11 . He'd been fighting throat cancer that had spread to the lungs and brain; for the last month he's been in palative care.

When I told my new contact at my biggest client he asked me "what are you doing here, go home and be with your wife." Thanks Rick. Pace appreciated it.

Pace is taking it well. She finds it ironic that he died of cancer on Remberence Day; a year to the day from her Breast Cancer diagnosis. However, she feels that he took her cancer with him when he went to heaven.

Allez en paix Gilles! May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven Half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.

Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon

2006-11-12T19:46:00.000-05:00

Now for something completely different. This morning we went to the two kids parks on the Belt Line for a couple of hours. About 1:00 in the afternoon we had a nap together, all three of us in the master bed.

I woke up about 3:30 and just lay there for about 15 minutes admiring my "girls" and asking God to bless them. They're so peaceful when they sleep. I'm so happy we're together again.

In case you're wondering why the cover art, one of my favorite Queen songs is Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon.

Allez Home!

2006-11-11T11:00:00.000-05:00

The wee one has been telling everyone at la maison in Oka "Je veux allez home!" (I want to go Home; and home being Toronto), If you've been reading this for a while you know about her insisting that she was going Home with Papa on the train and the tearful departures on the train platform when she couldn't.

Today she got what she wanted.

We packed the car and got on the road at about 4:00. After stopping to day a couple of "aurevoirs"(not goodbye, until next time) we caught one of the last ferries of the season are running that cross the Ottawa River from Oka to Hudson.

It poured rain from Oka to Toronto. Fortunately truck traffic was light and road spray to a minimum. Luckily for Pace and I the wee one slept most of the way and we had a chance to talk.

Once we finally got in about 10:30 the wee one charged about gathering toys and dolls she had not played with in a couple of months. It was another couple of hours before the wee one had calmed down enough to sleep.

Pace and I were so exhausted I can't remember if we kissed goodnight.

The Zoladex is not working, Blame it on Bob!

2006-11-06T11:19:00.000-05:00

So Pace had a conversation with the oncology nurses about the Zoladex not doing it's job and the "blame it on Bob" conversation went like this.

"Your husband did the injection?!" Asked the nurse.
"Yes" Pace replied.
"Well he wouldn't know how to do it properly. Did it hurt?"
"Oh yeah, it hurt." Pace grimaced at the thought of the heavy gage needle.
"Well you're supposed to use a catheter to administer it."
"No one told us that."
"He never should have done it."
"But, he..." Pace started but was interrupted.
"Did he not use the local anesthetic before he injected you?" The nurse inquired.
"There was no local anesthetic prescribed or with the package."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"You should have taken the needle to the CLSC (local community health clinic) or the hospital and they should have done it."
"What? No one told us that."
"Didn't the doctor tell you?"
"No."
"Well you know how busy doctors get. Make sure you get it done by a professional next time and if the Zoladex still doesn't work we'll have to change prescriptions."

I'm angry for a couple of reasons.

The insinuation that I don't know what I'm doing. I had 2 years of practice administering insulin by injection. Albeit it was caninsulin and the subject was Pace's cat Olive, but they were daily sub-cutaneous injections. And I followed the instructions on Pace's package to the letter.
Because of the cost of Zoladex, the hospital won't administer it there, so they transfer the cost to the patient by writing a prescription for you to take home. Better be insured! Then they say that it only should be administered in a government regulated health facility.

From a left brain perspective, this kind of logic loop crashes software programs.

My right brain says the situation reminds me of the bureaucracy demonstrated in the movie Brazil; this is reality imitating art.

Rememberence Day to All Saints Day

2006-11-01T00:05:00.000-05:00

It's been 355 days from the diagnosis to the last radiotherapy treatment and finishing the cancer triathlon.

It's ironic that both days are for remberence. It's not likely we'll forget this endurance race.

So we wind down for a bit and then get ready for the oophorectomy or hysterectomy in February, probably the 14th. Who knows what the doctor will suggest?

Some people say she'll not need it so just get it all out. However, the thought of me losing my testes, and how that would impact my health, is reason to pause before I go spouting off at the mouth about how Pace should handle her situation. Then again she does read this too.

Felicitations Pace! You're Wonder Woman, an Amazon!

Love you Robert "Kent" G.

Zoladex: Astra Zenica’s Snake Oil?

2006-10-30T23:07:00.000-05:00

Pace told me something today that piled on another layer of anger and frustration. Like anyone going through a prolonged health crisis needs another one! The Zoladex is not working, her period started tonight. If you pay $439 for a prescription, you'd expect it to work. Right?

I know I followed all of the instructions on the Zoladex to the letter, I read them three times to be sure, listened to the condescending tone of the pharmacist in training as he dicuseed what to do. I pinched the skin and stuck Pace the heavy gage needle (look at a small and a large paper clip and think of a thickness between the two and about 1.5 inches long) straight to the hilt at a 30 degree angle, over 2 inches below below the horizontal line across belly buutton as Pace gasped in pain, pushed the plunger as far as it would go. When I pulled the needle the protective sheath snapped shut over the needle. According to the documentation it will only do this if the plunger is pushed to its maximum to deliver the Zolodex.
Well Pace’s ovaries have fired up again. (She warned me she was fertile.) And nevertheless the doctors have been telling us we really need to induce menopause for Pace’s safety.

We’ll get more answers next week after Pace talks to the oncology nurse managing Pace’s clinical study.

BRCA 1, Pace and cancer research

2006-10-24T01:10:00.000-04:00

The geneticists from Sunnybrook are going to meet Pace as a part of a study on women who've had Breast Cancer and are carrying a variant on the BRCA1 genetic sequence.

When individuals carry a mutation in either BRCA1 or BRCA2, they are at an increased risk of being diagnosed with breast or ovarian cancer at some point in their lives.

In 1994, two breast cancer susceptibility genes were identified: BRCA1 on chromosome 17 and BRCA2 on chromosome 13. In her breast cancer blog, Libby Znaimer called BRCA 2 "the Jewish gene."

Until recently, it was not clear what the function of these genes was, until studies on a related protein in yeast revealed their normal role: they participate in repairing radiation-induced breaks in double-stranded DNA.

It is thought that mutations in BRCA1 or BRCA2 might disable this mechanism, leading to more errors in DNA replication and ultimately to cancerous growth.

Which begs the question: just how did Pace get exposed to enough radiation to cause her breast cells DNA to mutate into cancer?

Image Source:http://www.cmu.edu/bio/research/genomics.shtml

Only one week left

2006-10-23T11:08:00.000-04:00

A week from today is the last of Pace's radiotherapy treatments. Holey Moley!

I'm almost in a state of disbelief. I've had enough of cancer's grief.

I look forward to Pace and making plans and I moving on. I want to see more of Pace happy like this.

.

No, we did not drum naked in the primeval forest

2006-10-22T23:02:00.002-04:00

It can be summed up in three words; Food , Friends and Fun, meaning plenty of hiking, football and ping pong for exercise off Muskoka Bob road.

The air was crisp, clean and smelled of green... wet leaves too. A boy's weekend of tall tales, football games of "beat the champ... to a pulp," and no, we did not drum naked in the primeveal forests of Muskoka.

I had my best sleep in weeks. Albeit punctuated by me waking up yelling from nightmares I couldn't remember.

It was great, no computer, no cell phone, no ABM card. Just off the grid for 2.5 days.

Thanks Marc for kicking my ass and keeping me motivated on the bush crash. Finding the lost lake was really beautiful and worth the effort. I hate when your right! (Or when someone points out to me I'm wrong, but I digress.)

James, it was nice to meet you.

Neil thanks for the hospitality and change-up to my schedule. I've been feeling so thin as to be transparent lately. I had a great time and appreciate the respite.

Just when I start to feel sorry for myself along comes a reality check

2006-10-17T22:34:00.000-04:00

So after my groaning about drug costs I came across this article that made me feel like a doofus.

Going Broke To Stay Alive

Today's not a milestone, just a marker on the trip

2006-10-16T23:06:00.000-04:00

A year ago today Pace had her TIA.

Just that thought sends my head spinning. I've found today difficult.

We'd only been moved in a week and the place was already 90% together. Far be it for Pace to let the place look like a bachelor pad.

It was going on 7:30 and we had not eaten since lunch. I'd made chicken pesto on rotini it was served and getting cold and still I had to corrall Pace to the table as well as the wee one and her Mom France, who was here to help with the unpacking and decorating,

"Pace! What are you doing"
"I coming"

She came around the corner about two minutes later and had to grab onto the door frame for support. She would have gone straight to the floor.

"Babe? You O.K?"
"I don't feel well"
"Sit down maybe your blood sugar is down."

She sat down and I got a glass of orange juice, it didn't help. Then she said started to look anxious and stammered out.

"Babe, I can't feel my left side."

The next 15 minutes was one of those slow motion eternity moments where you try to keep you head on as your life suddenly careens out of control. I got tele-health on the phone and they talked to Pace for a couple of minutes. Within five minutes of that call there were paramedics at the door.

I asked Francine to get the wee one into her room so she didn't have to see all the commotion with the paramedics.

They checked her out from head to toe and then the male paramedic took Pace's hands, held them out in front of her at sholder height and told Pace to keep them there. Her right arm stayed put. The left arm drifted off to the side and back down till it was motionless beside her body. I was really scared. We'd just been talking about how good it was to be having a new start and a new place.

"No, I thought, this can't be happening. There's no way I can manage getting Pace up and down the stairs, into the bath tub and all the other things if she's paralysed."

My head was spining. Then there's thinking about raising the wee one. We'd manage, but...

The paramedics had her off to the hospital within minutes of that test. Pace couldn't walk properly, her gait was off and it was as though her left side couldn't support her. The paramedics half walked, half carried her to the ambulance.

"Oh God please don't let her be paralysed." I prayed; and my prayer was answered. I think the TIA was Pace's body sending a warning about the cancer. When all is said and done God writes straight with crooked lines.

A gift to cleanse, detoxify and energize

2006-10-15T21:39:00.000-04:00

Susan came by today and took Pace out for some “girl-time.” Vianne and I curled up for an afternoon nap.

Susan had bought some Flor-Essence for Pace. It is an herbal tonic that is intended to Cleanse, Detoxify, and Energize. It’s a little more reasonable than Zoladex at $70.00 per liter of the concentrate.

It is used to help with the effects of chemotherapy and radiotherapy in Mexico and the Russians have been exploring it’s properties with those that are living with the after effets of Chernobyl. One of the herbs contains high levels of iodine. Keeping our iodine levels high is a method to keep strontium 90 for being absorbed by our bodies.

The herbs and a link to their medicinal properties are below.

Red Clover

Blessed Thistle

Watercress

Kelp

Burdock Root

Sheep Sorrel

Slippery Elm Bark

Turkish Rhubarb Root

Pace has not told me what it tastes like. I have a feeling it's like Buckleys.

$115,739.47 per kilo!

2006-10-14T17:11:00.000-04:00

Pierre the wee one and I did the errands this morning. The last trip was to the pharmacy to pick up the Zoladex.

Sometimes I get frustrated with the way folks in the medical profession patronize me. Today, Yannik the “apprentice pharmacist” asked if I understood the meaning of subcutaneous injection. When I said yes I did, he sped up into a rapid fire explanation of that type of injection, of the drug, its side effects and to be sure that I called at least three work days before Pace needs a refill.

“We don’t keep drugs like this one in stock.” Yannick said.
“I’m not surprised it’s expensive”
“You know that three work day’s doesn’t include weekends?”
I bit my tongue, hard before asking. “Can I have the drug information sheet please.”
“But I just told you about it.”
I bit my tongue, harder and gestured my best Gallic shrug

Zoladex is an AstraZeneca medical consumable. It is prescribed in the case of cancer of the breast and prostate, endometriosis or removal of the endometrial sac. It can only be prescribed for two years as it is too concentrated and could cause other health issues. How reassuring is that? Then there's the brutal website.

It’s available in two types, one every 28 days or one every 3 months, the monthly costs $440.00 for 3.8mg, the quarterly injection is $1,500.00. Yes, I know there are research costs but yikkes! That equals a street price of $115,739.47 per kilo ($52,608.85 per lb.)

No wonder Dr. Rami figured that we’d opt for the Ovariectomy sooner than later.

Things to be thankful for

2006-10-13T21:10:00.000-04:00

It’s another Friday afternoon train trip and I’m thinking of the things I have to be thankful for. The last two years seem to have been one trial by ordeal after another but on the other hand I consider us to blessed and lucky to have the love and support of friends and especially family. Yesterday was one of those great family moments.

Mom and Dad took my sister Maggie, her family and me out for her birthday dinner last night. The kids love eating at Mandarin and we had fun. The kids and I had fun grossing each other out by letting the cuttlefish tentacles dangle from between my teeth.

Maggie has been a great help; stepping in for babysitting and trying to just make life easier for Pace, Vianne and me.

Happy Birthday again Maggie. I wish you serenity, prosperity and health.

Now that the Breast Cnacer is treated it's time to prevent Ovarian Cancer

2006-10-12T23:56:00.000-04:00

So Pace had a meeting today with Dr. Rami, her oncologist and he had a couple of things to discuss. On one hand, he thinks that she is recovering well but he is concerned about her reproductive system restarting again and releasing more estrogen into her system.

The Breast Cancer Pace had feeds on estrogen. Add to that to her 40% higher probability of Ovarian Cancer than the rest of the population and it’s apparent that we are not out of the woods yet. (Sigh!) So he wants her ovaries out and until that happens her menstrual cycle can not be allowed to start again. It's good to know the medical establishment wants Pace to live a long life with the wee one and I but there are times when it feels like they just love her as a case study.

Chemo-therapy has a side effect that I call “Chemo-pause.” It's real name is Chemical Menopause and it has all of the vestiges of the real deaal; hot flashes, phantom pain, night sweats and loss of libido. It’s a demonstration to the power of the chemotherapy drugs. The last course of those drugs stopped in July and she’s yet to have her menses.

To chemically induce menopause the normal prescription is for Tamoxifen. But dear reader as most people have observed, Pace is often the exception to the rule. Dr. Rami had to take her case to the tumor board because there is an increased chance of TIAs with Tamoxifen. The board has ruled against using tamoxifen and suggested that we use Zoladex.

Once she is well enough than Pace goes under the knife again to have an Ovasectomy. Dr. Rami said that due to the cost of Zoladex that we’ll probably do it sooner than later.

I feel the hands of the drug company are about to pick my pocket again.

Surprising news on women's beliefs about breast cancer

2006-10-09T21:06:00.000-04:00

File this article under: what you don't know can be fatal.

Only 15 percent of women who get Breast cancer have a family history
More young white women than young black women get breast cancer
Mortality rates for black women are 33% higher
Black women just like Ashkenazi Jews have a higher rate of early onset breast cancer. Those with the gene have an 87 percent chance of getting breast cancer

The article sites the American Cancer Society's Cancer Facts & Figures as the promary source. It speaks to the social, racial, econcomic and geographical realities of cancer.

A husband and wife night out

2006-10-07T01:03:00.000-04:00

Helene gave Pace a couple of Tickets to Cavalia. Les grandparents took care of Vianne and we took off for 24 hours as a couple.

Cavalia is truly one of the most creative events that I have seen in a long time. I highly recommend it.

We stayed at cool little hotel in Rosemere called Hotel le Rivage. This place is full of custom suites that are on the creative side.

Radiotherapy "Tattoos" - Caution Explicit Images

2006-10-01T20:24:00.000-04:00

Usually, when someone needs to have radiotherapy the area that need treatment is carefully marked out using tiny tattoos. The radiotherapy machine uses these tattoos as markers to direct the radiation to only the part of the body that needs to be treated.

However in Pace's case they've mapped it out in purple marker. She says it takes about 35 minutes in the room for them to calibrate and program the machine. The the actual treatment takes about 10 minutes.

Pace asked me to take these pictures so you
could better understand the extent of the
radiation treatment.

One of the side effects of radiotherapy is that it burns the skin. Pace says after one week of radiotherpay her skin is already very sensitive. Considering she's as lilly white and sun sensitive as you can be I'm not really surprised but I am trying to be supportive. I just hope it doesn't take too long to heal because as you can see her skin is going to be burning in a lot of places.

You also have to be careful if you use a moisturizing or soothing cream in that you use to be sure you don't interfere with the transmission of the radiation to the target areas. There is a perscription cream, (another ca-ching for the drug company I'm sure) that is supposed to help.

I'll let you know about it in a later post.

Post Surgical Pain

2006-09-26T12:45:00.000-04:00

Pace remains in a lot of pain, from where they cut muscles, the loss of strength and sensation in the arm where thy had to cut nerves and the armpit where they removed her lymph nodes.

According to a University of Rochester study, up to half of all women who undergo a lumpectomy or mastectomy feel pain weeks or months later near the breast, adjacent armpit and upper arm on the same side. It is often described as burning, throbbing and, or, a sharp pain. Yeah, great...

Most pain stems from damage to the intercostal brachial nerve, which runs under the arm and rib cage. But many other triggers exist as well: scarring, post-operative radiation therapy, some chemotherapy drugs, and the unusual sensations often associated with phantom pain.

The doctor recommends drugss and counseling.

Radiotherapy Starts Today

2006-09-25T12:45:00.001-04:00

Pace starts 5 weeks of radiotherapy today. She has to go to the hospital for treatment on weekdays at 2:15pm, weekends are off. Any positive energy you would send her way around that time is always welcome and appreciated.

The purpose of the radiotherapy is to kill any cancer cells that may have gotten into her lymphatic system (<-this is a really cool medical site). While the doctors are sure they got all the cancer, this is recommended for women afflicted by the type of cancer Pace had.

This is the last leg of the cancer triathlon, (chemotherapy, surgery, radiotherapy) once she recovers from this cure then we'll start to create the routine and lifestyle of whatever our new normal will be.

Going off the grid, getting some R & R

2006-09-23T15:25:00.000-04:00

For two days I went off the grid; no cell phone, no computer, no bank card.

Don had invited me up to Black Rock for a boy's weekend. On the Saturday afternoon he said I looked the most relaxed he'd seen me in months.

We had an amazing walk in the woods in the afternoon, a spectacular sunset, a great feast for dinner and then an evening bonfire all the while listening to echoes across the lake of the different bands and singers playing a major party at Ronnie Hawkins place.

It's a beautiful place where on the barren granite of the canadian shield the lichen grows deep and the white pines have shattered the rock to secure their roots. It's a great metaphor for the perserverance required in living through this difficult time.

Last year the northern lights raced across the sky. This year we were treated to the Milky Way.

Just what the doctor ordered.

Family Reunion Slips to January 2007

2006-09-23T13:46:00.000-04:00

Pretty much the first thing Pace told me today that she's not coming home with Vianne till January. Pace said that she will still be too tired from her radiotherapy to take care of herself, the house and the wee one.

I know that the radiotherapy is no picnic but I'm frustrated with the nurses and doctors that keep telling her how horrible everything will be. The power of suggestion is a serious force in setting good or bad expectations. You think they'd know that.

Daddy-o it's cool!

2006-09-22T01:33:00.000-04:00

Pace called me to say the wee one wanted to see me on the computer. This is the first time in a while since we've had a video call. First we get picture but no sound. By the time it working and we're all on the cam, her attention is on drawing a new picture.

Rule number one about video phones and web cams is that you should treat it like you're shooting live action on film. Make sure that you have everything prepared before you get the talent on the set and roll the cameras.

She's like any other kid, totally impatient with how long it takes some people to to get things done. Well that sounds like me too. Like the last time I was at the grocery store and the lady immediately in front of me in line pulls out 20 coupons at the check out...

When we finally get the web cam going well we start talking around the logistics of the wee one coming "home" with me for a couple of weeks. Pace tells me that for weeks she's been saying "I'm packing my bags cause I'm going with Popa on the Choo-Choo."

This is such a good thing that's come together. The difference in the availability of daycare Quebec and Ontario is like night and day. There's plenty of places in Oka and Montreal where I could drop her off for the day. In Toronto its either who you know or do you have $3,000 per month for emergency day care.

We are blessed with good friends. Linda has facilitated a temporary arrangment with her nanny and babbysitter to put together an amazing program for Vianne for the next two weeks. It is going to be so cool, for the wee one and for me.

What it's all about in a song

2006-09-20T09:01:00.000-04:00

This was a song that was a little hard to avoid early in 2006. It brings up some of the feelings that you go through and the inspiration that I'd like to take away from this experience.

Live Like You Were Dying

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how’s it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what’d you do
and he said

I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn’t
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn’t such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I’d do if I could do it all again
and then

I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuMunchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I’d been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift
and you got eternity to think about
what’d you do with it
what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it?

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying

Copyright Tim McGraw lyrics and music

Gotta tune out the tube

2006-09-18T08:23:00.000-04:00

Dealing with the day to day stresses of fighting cancer is stressful enough. While I admit to being a news addict a steady diet of reports of violence does little for improving a mood.

Monday, was the 5th aniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks and it seemed to be the only available programming in the 400 channel universe.

How many times do we have to watch 65 people die and seal the fate of 600 others as United 175 crashes into the south tower?

Tuesday, 3 people found stabbed to death at the Chelsea Hotel

Endless tales of violence and a "veritable bloodbath"

Wednesday, Kimveer Gill shoots 20 and kills one at Dawson College

All day gut wrenching reports that rip open the emotional scars of the December 6, 1989. I'd moved into my apartment in Monreal Nov. 1st 1989. The Ecole Polytechnique shootings traumatised the city till Christmas.

Thursday, My workplace changes as half of the company is sold

No idea how my job will be affected

Friday, the Pope stirs the geopolitical pot

History teaches us that extremists of any ideology are dangerous.

I have to stop reading the papers and listening to the news. Even if it important in my business to be current, compounded with the cancer concerns I finding it's too much negative information; the displays of anger and visions of anguish are simply disturbing and depressing.

Plastic surgeon update

2006-09-12T23:08:00.000-04:00

Pace saw the plastic surgeon for a check on her healing.

He's happy, the surgical cuts are healing well and scaring is less than he thought it would be. She's not getting any excessive lymph fluid build-ups. She has some on her left side but he is confident that it will be reabsorbed by Pace's body.

He also told her it is going to take about 3 months before Pace is over the pain of the surgery and for her breasts to start ot feel normal, or maybe she'll aclimatize is what he's really saying.

He's confident that she'll make it through the radiotherapy without incident.

Maybe it's the nature of plastic surgery, this guy as one of the best bedside manners we've encountered at the doctor level in the health system.

Not exactly a fluff quiz

2006-09-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

Today I learned about a test that could make a difference in your life or, guys, the life of your lady. It's not one of the online fluff quizes exemplified by "Angelina or Jennifer? See which starlet you're more like!"

The dark, mysterious, homewrecking Academy Award-winning American actress, a former fashion model, and a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN Refugee Agency who also played Laura Crawford, Tomb Raider

The blonde. all american, #88 on the Maxim magazine "Hot 100 of 2005" list, jilted ex-wife of Brad Pitt who stared in the very successful TV Sitcom "Friends" and is rumored to be dating actor Vince Vaughn

Somewhere someone's planning a cage match...

However, ladies this test could make a difference in your life. It's called the Breast Cancer Risk Assessment Tool and while it was designed for use by health professionals. If you are not a health professional, you are encouraged to discuss the results and your personal risk of breast cancer with your doctor.

It's an interactive tool designed by scientists at the National Cancer Institute (NCI) and the National Surgical Adjuvant Breast and Bowel Project (NSABP) to estimate a woman's risk of developing invasive breast cancer. This is the same organization that is conducting the Abraxane clinical trial that Pace is a part of.

Preliminary results indicate the tool has been used with successful for women with strong family histories of breast cancer. However, women carrying the breast cancer-producing mutations in the BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes obviously should get more testing. It's also not ment for women who have already had a diagnosis of breast cancer, or ductal carcinoma in situ (DCIS).

To take the test follow this link: Breast Cancer Risk Assessment Tool

Friday's I've got far to go, Toronto, Montreal, Paris

2006-09-10T03:32:00.000-04:00

I knew it was going to be a crazy day the minute I saw the alarm clock. I'd slept-in, again. I'm out the door in 10 minutes, commute to work, crank out till 1:30, commute to home, pack and go, Usually I take the bus and subway to train, this time a cab, traffic jam, arrive Union Station 3:04, Train 64 leaves at 3:10, arrive Montreal, commute à la maison, eat, bedtime story and lights out for the wee one.

Right now her favorite book is by an American Immigrant Belgian Cowboy with a German sounding name and French as a first language: he was quite the character that Ludwig Bemelmans.

The Wee One and I read a book together; I start and she rhymes;

“In an old house in Paris all covered in …”
“Wines” (It makes me chuckle every time)
“Lived 12 little girls in two straight
“Lines”
“1n two straight"
" lines dey bwoke dere bwead and when do bed””
“don’t they brush their…”
“teet”
“That’s right“

“They left the house at half past nine in two straight
“lines”
“in rain or….. or….
“shine?”
“Yes shine, the smallest one was”
“Madelène!”

Given the wee ones level headedness to all of the upheaval in her life over the last two years I’m both surprised and chagrined that she has the following section almost down pat.

“In the middle of one night, Miss” I start.
“Clavel turned her light, Something is not right!"” The wee one jumps in to finish.

About 20 minutes later she’s asleep and sometimes so am I.

It’s no wonder Pace and I sometimes don’t seem to see one another very much on the weekend.

Another Day of Nursing, Child rearing and Travel

2006-09-04T05:39:00.000-04:00

Train 67 rolls towards Toronto once again and I find little inspiration in the lead grey remnants of Hurricane Ernesto that somber the sky and pour down the rain. It’s been a bit of a gloomy day.

Pace had one of her intestinal attacks as she got up this morning. It was one of the bad ones; she was drifting in and out of consciousness and feeling quite unwell. Once the main part of the episode was over, I striped her and bathed her. That’s when I got a quick look at the scars from the operation. I did not examine her chest because she’s not chosen to show me yet and I did not want her to feel any more stress. She went back to bed and slept till one in the afternoon.

The wee one and I painted, then alternated between watching Clifford and looking outside to see if the rain had stopped, wich it didn't. Eventually had a nap together before I had to get to the train station. Pace stayed in bed and I implored her to rest and heal, this is no time to be superwoman. As I left, we both had watery eyes, the time we have together is always too short. ‘I love you, I miss you, I’ll see you soon.’

The wee one wailed as I got on the train today. “Je veux aller en train avec Papa! Je veux aller ‘home!’’

“La maison” is Oka, Toronto is “home.”

People on the train flash me a slightly concerned look or sigh sympathetically.

Pace told me the wee one is really starting to miss me during the week. She’s telling her grandmere that Papa is coming home tonight. And that is on a Tuesday. This separation of the family is hard on all of us and while the wee one understands a lot of what is going on around her I can’t expect her to understand everything.

The woman I used to count on for child care told me last week she is no longer going to be babysitting. That is unless it is close to her home and not for more than an evening. Oh well, all good things come to an end sometime. I’ve got to find some time this week to look into sharing a nanny or finding day care. I’ll need to be a single Papa at least once again before Pace comes home in December.

Saturday in the Country

2006-09-02T22:23:00.000-04:00

The wee one was up at 7:30 am today. I should feel blessed knowing my sister Maggie’s kids are up at 6:30 but I still felt like I was wading through Jell-O® until I got two mugs of Joe into the blood system.

Once we took care of Pace, the wee one and I went out for a major walk to the swings and slides. Well I walked, most often with the wee one hung onto my legs until I put her up on my shoulders. Pace got a good sleep in the morning and then again when I put down the wee one in the afternoon.

Later in the afternoon all three of us went for a walk over to Hugette’s farm. Well Pace and I walked; the wee one admired the view from about 5 feet above the street. We ate prunes and apples fresh from the tree as well as raspberries, ground cherries and grapes fresh off the vine.

I did not count on having to carry both the wee one and the three bags of fruit that we bought back to the house. It must have been a funny sight because everyone that drove by stared at us as if we were aliens; me with three full plastic bags hanging alongside my hips from my belt, the wee one on my shoulders waving and screaming hello at the cars, and Pace with her peach fuzz hair, alabaster skin fashionable Capris and sandals walking alongside.

Pace said that was the first time that she had been for a walk since the operation. When we got back she went back to bed, Vianne watched “Buzz Buzz Buzz!” and your’s truly cooked up a pasta primavera with tomatoes, zucchini and scallions fresh from the garden and then I finished off with raspberries and ice cream for desert. Harvest is such a great time of the year.

This evening Pace gave Vianne a Bull’s-eye replica from Toy Story 2. The wee one was overjoyed. She ran around the house with Bull’s-Eye flying through the air beside her like a jet propelled horse. Then to our amusement she put him on the floor and pretended she was riding him. We all laughed and reveled in the moment.

Alert New posts to backfill information gaps Alert

2006-08-28T23:56:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to get through a backlog of catching up on work, chores, paperwork and chipping away on adding to the blog.

Since the posts are going to go up in chronological order from when I started them. Scroll down this page for posts I've backfilled to bring you up to date on Pace's recovery.

It's a real busy time and I've been trying to rescue a second $250k SalesLogix deal that's ended up going to Microsoft. So much for 200 pictures of Robert Borden in commissions per deal.

What really burns is what the prospect wrote in the decision, "I would like to thank you for all the effort you have made both personally and as a company. Were the decision to have been made on best pitch and best received sales team, you would have taken the deal easily."

Microsoft=Momentum, I need to get on the train or get out of the way.

The bandages come off tomorrow

2006-08-28T23:01:00.000-04:00

Pace has been in a lot of pain for the last couple of week and a half. Saturday was the first time that the pain was less than the day before.

Today was another tough day. I think part of it is the bandage comes off tomorrow and Pace will see for the first time the results of her surgery.

I'd find it tough. There will be stitches and cuts where the drains were and her chest is going look different than the one she's had for a lifetime. The docs have said they'd make the scars as low on the breast as they can, but they didn't say she'd have no scars.

Pace will have no nipples. Turns out they're made of breast tissue as well, duh! Dr. Rami told us of times that they transplanted the nipples to the thigh in order to save them for reattachment later once the plastic surgery had healed; some of these people developed breast cancer in the skin where they'd been temporarily located until retransplanted.

Reconstruction of the nipple is possible how they do it is facinating in a weird way. They either fold the skin back on itself or graft skin from somewhere else on the body if you want to see what it looks like follow this link and scroll down or there is the option of going for a tatooed nipple, that's one work of art that'd be tough to perform.

A metaphor for strength and perserverance

2006-08-24T23:58:00.000-04:00

Lyne's sister Anne-Marie gave Pace this Rose on Thursday the 17th. A week later it's still strong and Pace is inspired by it's hardiness.

Life can be longer than predicted even after you're cut and living with peoples expectations. Spirit and the will to live is both therapeutic and inspiring

Recovery Day 5 - Meeting the plastic surgeon

2006-08-23T01:02:00.000-04:00

We dashed for a 9:10am meeting with the plastic surgeon today. For a variety of reasons, 2 patients scheduled for 9:05, 2 for 9:10, my 10:00 conference call and miscommunication Pace finally saw Dr. Steve at 11:30.

Because she still has more than 30 ml per day of fluid in her drains they are leaving the bandge and the drains in place for another week. He also changed her prescription for pain management.

She's healing well
He's happy with the results
The muscles and nerves he cut in Pace's sides are the source of the bruising on her hips
The sensations she's having will deminish over time
Dr. Rami's proceedure's took longer than predicted
Although it was the best for Pace's circumstances, he's not a fan of the proceedure (masectomy, lymph dissection & reconstruction)

Pace is getting silicone gel implants. Yes, they are back, for the moment under heavy government approvals on a case-by-case basis. They are said to be a more real feel. At the moment touching her chest is not advisable.

The implants are made by McGhan Medical, which it turns out is a part of Allergan the makers of Botox. Allergan's Stock Quote indicates business is good.

Pace goes back next week to get the bandages off.

Double Mastectomy, Lymph Node Dissection and Reconstruction

2006-08-23T00:34:00.000-04:00

Pace's surgery was 6.25 hours on the table and here's what they did.

Double Mastectomy
In the matter of a week, after six months of chemotherapy, pace went from a lumpectomy to a double masectomy. They essentially removed her nipples, then opened up the breasts from the bottom and scraped out the breast tissue. The ideal is that they get it all out so there is no more breast tissue for brest cancer to develop in. This proceedure is recommended for women with both a personal and family history of breast cancer, which is Pace's case.

Sentinel and Auxillary Lymph Node Dissection;
In order to get the cancer that had spread to her lymph system they checked her sentinel nodes, they were positive and so they removed those and continued to test and remove both affected and potentially affected auxillary lymph nodes under her arm. We have to be careful from this time forward becase if she hurts that arm there is no way for the body to drain the fluids it sends to repair our bumps bruises and cuts. This is called lymphedema and being prepared to deal with it will be a part of our new normal.

Breast Reconstruction
I understand the reconstruction was Latissimus Dorsi Flap. This takes its name from the back muscle that lies below the shoulder and behind the armpit. They basically create a sling to hold the implant in place.

The assistant surgeon in the reconstructive surgery unit said that Pace had good muscles for this. However, they did slice up her back muscles and that hurts.

Pace is in progressively more pain every day since the operation. The first prescription of Tritec was nowhere near satisfactory for pain management. It's frustrating to see her hurting and not be able to do anything more than be there, moisturizing her back and taking care of the wee one so she can sleep.

And she is getting sleep. Sleep heals!

Drains and pooling

2006-08-22T01:27:00.000-04:00

Following the operation the blood and lymph have to fond somewhere to go. That's the reasons for the drains.

Pace is looking forward to when she can sleep in other positions than on her back.

We were worried about swelling, pooling and bruising in the second photo. The reconstructive surgeon said this is a result of the incisions to her back and side muscles.

Reconstructive surgery is definately not pretty.